The other day I found this book in the garbage. It looked too good to throw out, had a big fancy binding with gold lettering, so I fished it out and started reading it.
It's called "Matthew", but it doesn't say who that is. It starts out talking about some guy by the name of Jesus Christ instead, and tells who all his ancestors were for two whole pages, but it never does tell who the hell this Matthew guy is.
Maybe it'll get better.