Matthew 10

Holy crap, what's going on here? Jesus is supposed to be some kind of dirty hippy peacenik I heard, but this chapter sounds like he's channeling Julius Striecher or Fred Phelps.

He starts out by giving all his top groupies (there's 12 of them) the authority to cure everybody, even dead people. WTF?  "I hereby authorize you to go try to do stuff you can't do." Sounds like a recipe for getting your ass kicked. Tar and feathers coming up?

The KJV has a +Power die roll, instead of + Authority. That'd make a better story but, 13 ppl going around raising the dead? I think that would attract some attention.

Then he gets ugly. He orders them to go out recruiting (cult flag!)  and makes threats against ppl who don't welcome them. 10:15 It'll be worse for you than Sodom and Gomorrah on Judgment day. "Threat? What threat?" Why does this remind me of a certain muslim website? or the catholic league?

He says everyone will hate them. Well yeah, they go around promising shit they can't deliver, duhh.  And the clincher:

v34 I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.

Mein Kampf, baby! He follows this up with a long rant about how he's gonna make everyone hate each other, also how you suck unless you (cult flag!) love him more than your own kids.  Prince of Peace my arse.

And then he goes and pisses me off, again.

v31 "You are worth more than many sparrows"

You know what? Sparrows don't come knocking on my door to push weird religious cult on me, or take my money, or tell me I'll burn in hell, or criticize my sex life. Never heard of  a sparrow killing anybody, or raping them, or even issuing death threats. Sparrows don't start wars or ruin the Gulf of Mexico or fuck up the atmosphere.  Between Prophets and sparrows, I'll take the sparrow, no contest.
Jesus, you're a dick.