Blasphemy Pants!

South Asia News. At least nine people including five policemen were injured after violent protests erupted in different areas of the city over the rumours of blasphemous depiction of a “sacred mosque” imprinted on underwear.

On underwear. Holy skid marks!

[* Hat tip to The Freethinker,who thoughtfully provided this image of what said pants might look like. (hey, they asked for it)]

The structure on the garment later turned out to be that of a historic cathedral of Italy.

WTF? It wasn't even a mosque? "Oh. Sorry dude."

Police said they have identified the culprits who spread the rumours, leading to widespread law and order problem in the city. Wait, what was leading? The rumors? The culprits? The police? Sentence fail.

The trouble started in Nowhatta market after some people spotted brown-colored sketch  brown colored! (insert juvenile humor here) of a building covered by a huge dome on underwear. Eww, that's an image I didn't need Some people mistook the structure as that of Al-Aqsa Mosque. Soon the residents in Nowhatta and adjoining localities of the old city started gathering and protesting against the “blasphemous underwear”.  With straight faces.

Shouting “Islam Zindabad” and “We want Freedom,” from underpants! the protesters started rallying on the streets of old city. The protesters also raised anti-Israel slogans. Because everyone knows the Mossad sends out covert panty raids to do just this sort of thing. “Keep Israel out of our pants!”

“This sketch is sacrilegious. We can’t tolerate such acts,” a protester said. “We would protest”.

Ok, you win, yours are sillier.

The protesters started marching towards Lal Chowk. However, police intercepted them near Khayam Chowk. The police men canecharged hey, a new word! the protesters besides firing tear smoke canisters. The protests turned violent after small groups of youth started hurling stones. Three people were injured as the clashes soon spread to other areas. Jeez.

Panic spread to Lal Chowk as many youth from Maisuma and Koker Bazar took to streets and staged demonstrations. The shopkeepers started pulling down their shutters oh, shutters. Scared me for a second there and people rushed out of the area.

Meanwhile, some people termed the protests as a conspiracy to distract people’s focus from Machil fake encounter killings. “We feel some people orchestrated the entire protest thing to distract focus of people from the investigation of Machil fake encounter,” said Showkat Ahmad, an engineer by profession.

SSP Srinagar, Javed Reyaz Bedar said, “There was no blasphemy no shit. The underwear bore imprints of some building. The law and order problem was handiwork of rumour mongers. We have identified them.” He added that five policemen were injured in the day-long clashes.

Five people got hurt because of a fake rumor--about pictures on underwear. You can't make this shit up. Or, if you do, make sure the shit isn't shaped like a building.

The SSP said that investigation would be carried out to know the real motive of people who “conspired” to mislead people.

SP North, Rashid Pal said they have started searching for people who
spread the rumours. “We have arrested two persons in this connection,” he added.

How about you search for the fuckwits who rioted, and investigate what the the hell's wrong with them. We need to find a cure for this.

According to a press statement issued by police in the evening, “The underwear garment in question was produced and examined. It was found that it carries sketches of various buildings on it which resemble places like Big Ben in London, St. Paul’s Cathedral Italy and other places.”

Catholics and Londoners immediately began rioting … no wait … didn't give a shit. So to speak.

“No sketch has any likeness to any Muslim religious place or building. The attempt to create tension in the society is a deliberate move to disturb the situation by indulging in blasphemous rumors. The general public is advised to remain calm and caution against such elements,” the statement adds.

You are hereby duly cautioned to watch out for crazed religious fuckwits. In your underwear.