Rand Pwned

Quote of the Day, from Senator Al Franken (D-Snark).

So with spending $2 billion on prevention, they're predicting medical costs of $55 billion for seniors, seems like a no-brainer to increase the prevention, no?

But No, says Spawn of Ron (R- Atlas Shrugged) Paul, he says we should privatize Meals on Wheels, and gouge those destitute starving seniors. Prevention is bad, sez he, and  

“The idea or notion that spending money in Washington somehow is saving money really flies past most of the taxpayers”.

Bernie Sanders lit into him with a tractor beam from reality. (One thing he didn't say was that none of that junk mail—screaming how we can't afford not to spend money—apparently ever make it to planet AynRondema)

But little Ronnie got all pissy:

"How much money should we give you in order to save money? If we spend federal money to save money, where is the limit? I think we could reach a point of absurdity.”

That was when Al Franken turned on his mic and won one interwebs:

“I think you just did.”



The term "come shot" was bad enough already, but this, this takes it (down!) to a whole new level. Horse semen tastes like custard? TMI, people, TMfuckingI.

This is with Safe Search set at 'Strict' 
This festival sounds hella fun though, Testicle Stew notwithstanding. 


Would YOU eat this shit?

This makes sense I'm afraid. The world's resources are running out, we need new sources of food, recycling is nature's SOP, and now these Japanese scientists find there are usable proteins in human excrement ...

Already, astronauts are recycling urine by extracting drinking water.  Meat the future.


Dog Aid

I can't embed this video, but click on it and you can watch something really neat.


Summer Solstice

This picture appeals to me because in Tai Chi we do this thing called Air Balls, and they're like this. 

Anyway, it's the longest day of the year, marking off another stage in the cycle.  Enjoy it, and remember you won't get all that many so make the most of them.

the reason for the season: axial tilt


Enough of all this depressing news. We need something cheerful. We need cupcakes!  What color cupcakes?  Well, all colors, like this:

Why rainbow cupcakes? Well, because the catholics are at it again.  Those two HS kids wanted to form a gay-straight alliance, but they couldn't put up a rainbow flag. Why? Because the school BANNED RAINBOWS, that's why. Who would ban rainbows? The Grinch? No, the catholic church, being assholes as usual. So the kids made this, got their message out, and restored my faith in this generation.


This pushes my buttons

It seems other people have noticed this harbinger of Civilization's end.

The patch: a futile gesture of resistance.

This is insane. (read the comments too)

I'm convinced the world will end with some minor catastrophe, one our technology can resolve in a heartbeat, spiraling out of control while someone, in a control room, somewhere, screams, HOW DO YOU SHUT THIS FUCKING THING OFF? WHAT'S THE PASSW


I destroy society

Marriage: noun.
1. a civil contract between two people who meet the legal requirements for getting married established by the state,
1. measure of the time elapsed since the birth of a female horse.

There; I've done it.
Expect Anarchy. Chaos. The Awakening of the Outer Gods.


Bush vs Weiner

Warning: EXTREME Squee

Here's a baby baboon who has adopted an orphaned Bush Baby.

Terror Group Launches New Attack on America

Washington— US officials revealed that a terrorist organization is launching a new campaign of targeted killings modeled after similar programs in Iraq and Pakistan that successfully created anti-American affiliate groups.

Attacks will augment secretive efforts by this group's terror cells that already are conducting bombings and small raids in Yemen, the officials said Tuesday.

The group's leader authorized the expansion of the terrorism in Yemen because of the success of their fight against Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula, a group that owes its existence to this same organization's efforts in Iraq, and the expectation of creating yet another military threat to the United States.

Planning for this campaign of terror began before the start of Yemen's recent unrest, the official said. Following their successful strategy of stationing fighters in the Arabian Peninsula, which gave rise to the attacks on 9/11 and drew the US into two disastrous wars, the organization is now building a base in the Persian Gulf region to create more terrorists in Yemen.


So, the gods were kicking ...

... imbibing ambrosia, passing around a blunt, and enjoying other things you mortals don't need to know about, and talking about Earth. Somebody, I think it was Bal-Sagoth or one of his crew, was on about dinosaurs.

“Thunder Lizards! Hell, yeah, man, they were cooler'n shit.”

“Yeah, they were the bomb, but that scenario didn't play out none too well, did it?”

“Hey, meteors, who can predict them, y'know?”

“Well, I can”,
that was Wandjina “and so can most of the rest of us.”

He asked what we were going to do next, seeing as how Earth at the moment was a fucked up cinder whose dominant life form was some squiggly no-fun sea creature.

Jehovah piped up and said he had an idea. He's a little pipsqueak that nobody ever paid any attention to, but by then we were all three sheets to the wind. Four sheets. Seven sheets. A thousand sheets to the wind, so we let him tell us about his idea of some stupid thing he called “Homo Sapiens”. My sisters, Lat and Manat, and I just looked at each other, and we got the giggle fits.

“Intelligent mammals? You want to give Knowledge to a bunch of mortals? ROFL, that'll fly.”

But then Loki poked his head up from between Lat's thighs and said he liked the idea. He's a devil, that one, always up for a laugh. So we voted, and Lat was all “Sure, whatever, just get back to what you were doing” and it was decided that dorky little Jehovah would get Earth to play with for a while. Manat and I made a side bet his critters'd screw the pooch even without help from meteors, and kill off everything else along with them.

The little pissant went down and did weird things with the the formless void and the waters, and some really wack shit involving ribs and whatnot, finally ended up with that lame-ass species he wanted, some kind of hairless biped with limited reasoning powers.

Just like we thought, it turned out to be a clusterfuck. His little apes have killed everything, used up all the oxygen, now they're filling up the oceans with radioactive crap. I think it's time for Manat and I to call in our bet.

Racism 101

I never heard the term "hizz" (hizhouse?)(hizzy?) until now. Probably that means I've been living under a rock, but I quit watching TV decades ago, so there's that. Srsly, am I supposed to know this stuff?

I guess I flunk Racism, but Fucken Disgusting I understand, and this is Fucking Disgusting.

You'll have to click on the link to get the full effect. (Or not, you already knew Fox is a hatemongering racist pusspile).


Out of shit, grow lilies

If this guy's story is true, he's pretty damn awesome.

The Midnight Ride of Sarah Dear

Listen up teabaggers, you shall hear
me fuck up the story of Paul Revere
from back around sixteen or seventeen farty.
Hardly anyone in our party
knows diddly about that day and year.

He winked at his friend, "If the British go
to take our guns and our bibles away,
then let the bats in my belfry know
how our Founding Fathers taught us to pray.
Two if by sea, if by land hang one torch;
you know I can see them from my front porch
Ready to ride and spread emissions,
the ones I love like nucular fissions,
a-sittin up there on my Harley's cushions.

Then he said "God Bless!", the media whore
and set out on his Rolling Blunder tour,
riding to towns all over the Bay,
to say what his sponsors want him to say
on a great big bus, painted with flags;
and slogans like this one “We hate fags.”
so that everyone who sees it gags,
and a huge ego, that was magnified
by its own reflection on the side.

Meanwhile, his offspring all abstinent
except when nobody was looking
they were out on the street then hooking
got paid mega bucks for saying to you,
holding a baby all incontinent
in between this and that booking
to “do what I say and not what I do.”

He climbed the corporate ladder at Fox News
the party is open to any who tries,
who simply looks milfy and tells lots of lies.
Dumb people with hardons will vote for this cooze.
On the teleprompter were all the words
that when he spoke them sounded like turds,--
socialists, Kenyans, birth certificate,
till you thought you couldn't take more of it--
drill baby drill, and refudiate,
your time's better spent if you masturbate--
he kept on saying more stupid shit.

You know the rest, you don't have to stall,
magazines and books, you've read them all---
whatever their names are, yeah, you betcha
lamestream media questions won't getcha.

He sent warning shots so the Brits would know,
reloading his flintlock on the go,
ramrodding the muzzle as he rode along
while his other hand was banging a gong
get it on, bang a gong, get it on …

So through the night rode Paul Revere
warning bells ringing on his bobtailed nag,
to make spirits rise, and waving a flag
on his pirate ship, pulled by reindeer.

A flag on the bumper, pin on the lapel,
America sure is gooder'n hell,
As, homeschooled by fundies in bible class
they guess at our history and sound like an ass,
while democracy falls apart at the seams,
these True Americans're havin' a beer
with some bimbo who parrots Fox memes
and makes up stories about Paul Revere



It's been too long since I posted, but the bare fact is, the Bible is BORING!

So I read the news, maybe something worth blogging about is going on in the world.


 This makes suicide seem like a rational choice.

but ...

I do not care

...about Anthony Weiner's penis.

That is all.


This is not racist, ...

..and I am a fuzzy pink unicorn. 
The ballot measure to ban circumcision in CA was a good idea, but it goes down in flames with the sponsors putting out this, ... this, ... well, this

The Jews are upset. Gee, y'think they have a point? For extra irony, the comic [sic] was written and created by a guy named Hess. (Not Rudolf; seems more related to Julius Streicher).

Presidential Bearing

grav·i·tas /'grævə,taq:s/ noun [noncount]
formal : a very serious quality or manner
▪ a comic actress who lacks the gravitas for dramatic roles▪


of course, the bar's set pretty low since this 


Guilty or Not?

If you were on this jury, how would you vote?

Mother sets fire to her daughter’s gloating rapist

A Spanish mother has taken revenge on the man who raped her 13-year-old daughter at knifepoint by dousing him in petrol and setting him alight. He died of his injuries in hospital on Friday.

Antonio Cosme Velasco Soriano, 69, had been sent to jail for nine years in 1998, but was let out on a three-day pass and returned to his home town of Benejúzar, 30 miles south of Alicante, on the Costa Blanca.

While there, he passed his victim’s mother in the street and allegedly taunted her about the attack. He is said to have called out “How’s your daughter?”, before heading into a crowded bar.

Shortly after, the woman walked into the bar, poured a bottle of petrol over Soriano and lit a match. She watched as the flames engulfed him, before walking out.

Details here. I'd say let her go.


A Platterfull of Ass

WhyohWhy doesn't this happen more often? A slimy politician gets his ass handed to him on a platter. Lulz galore.

Lying tax cheat and grifter Mike Haridopolos (R-Heathcare Co.s) went on the RayJuniorShow,  and encountered ACTUAL JOURNALISM!   Hilarity ensues, in the transcript

Junior: The question is simple: You're a Senator today. The Ryan plan comes across your desk. Are you voting yes or no?

Haridopolos: Again, Ray Junior, I'm not getting into that today because it's not the vote that I'm dealing with

Junior: But you're on my show. This is the question I'm asking. We're trying to figure out whether we want to vote for you to become a U.S. Senator. Are you voting for the Ryan plan or not? This is not about what you want to talk about. This is what I want to talk about. I want to know: Do you vote for this bill or not?

Haridopolos: What I'd like to talk about is simple - what did I do in the state Legislature...

Junior: I'm not interested in what you want to talk about, Mike. I’m mention what the voters want to talk about. The voters want to talk about the budget. And I'm interested in what I want to talk about -- my show. Tell me: You voting for the Ryan plan, yes or no?

Haridopolos: Again, I don’t have all the information to make that decision yet.

Junior: How could you possibly not have all that information, you're running for Senate?

Haridopolos: Ray, I thought you wanted to talk about what we had accomplished, not about a hypothetical.

Junior: Your guy that asked for you to be on the show said “Hey, I’d like to get him on the show.’ I said ‘fine. Let’s bring him on the show.’ So I’m asking you that question.

The only reason people avoid questions like this, Mike, is because they don't want to be tied in -- when they don't want to actually have people see how they would do things. There's no reason to avoid this question. How could you possibly be running for U.S. Senate and not know what's in the Ryan bill?

Haridopolos: I know what's in the Ryan bill, but again, what you're asking me is a fair question. What I'm telling you is...

Junior: Ok, I'd like a fair answer...

Haridopolos:...A lot of people are talking about hypotheticals -- if they run, if they win. Let's talk about what I actually accomplished

Junior: Laughter... no, no, no. You're not doing that, Mike. Every single thing a person talks about when they're on the campaign trail is a hypothetical. A hundred percent of it. There's nothing that's not hypothetical. The only way we know whether it's going to be true or not is when they get into office is if they follow through on the things they said they would do. That's why I'm asking you: Would you vote yes or no on Ryan?

Haridopolos: Exactly what I'm bringing up. My point as well. I made a promise to balance the budget, not raise taxes, not raise fees..

Junior: Ok, does the Ryan plan do that? Does the Ryan plan do that?

Haridopolos: Look, the Ryan plan is what's in Washington

Junior: Ok, get him off my phone. I don't want anything to do with this guy. Get rid of him.

WORD!   "Get rid of him".  Couldn't have said it better.

Update: Mr. H models this tiny weasel fur statement to cover his ass, and called the interview "an ambush". Ambush, y'know, like those guys in Iraq do.  RayJunior responds appropriately.