So, the gods were kicking ...

... imbibing ambrosia, passing around a blunt, and enjoying other things you mortals don't need to know about, and talking about Earth. Somebody, I think it was Bal-Sagoth or one of his crew, was on about dinosaurs.

“Thunder Lizards! Hell, yeah, man, they were cooler'n shit.”

“Yeah, they were the bomb, but that scenario didn't play out none too well, did it?”

“Hey, meteors, who can predict them, y'know?”

“Well, I can”,
that was Wandjina “and so can most of the rest of us.”

He asked what we were going to do next, seeing as how Earth at the moment was a fucked up cinder whose dominant life form was some squiggly no-fun sea creature.

Jehovah piped up and said he had an idea. He's a little pipsqueak that nobody ever paid any attention to, but by then we were all three sheets to the wind. Four sheets. Seven sheets. A thousand sheets to the wind, so we let him tell us about his idea of some stupid thing he called “Homo Sapiens”. My sisters, Lat and Manat, and I just looked at each other, and we got the giggle fits.

“Intelligent mammals? You want to give Knowledge to a bunch of mortals? ROFL, that'll fly.”

But then Loki poked his head up from between Lat's thighs and said he liked the idea. He's a devil, that one, always up for a laugh. So we voted, and Lat was all “Sure, whatever, just get back to what you were doing” and it was decided that dorky little Jehovah would get Earth to play with for a while. Manat and I made a side bet his critters'd screw the pooch even without help from meteors, and kill off everything else along with them.

The little pissant went down and did weird things with the the formless void and the waters, and some really wack shit involving ribs and whatnot, finally ended up with that lame-ass species he wanted, some kind of hairless biped with limited reasoning powers.

Just like we thought, it turned out to be a clusterfuck. His little apes have killed everything, used up all the oxygen, now they're filling up the oceans with radioactive crap. I think it's time for Manat and I to call in our bet.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh, that is good. Bravo Uzza