Ways to Prevent Rape
1. Do not rape anyone.
2. Do not think you have the right to rape anyone.
3. Know what rape is. Know the meaning of 'consensual'.
4. Understand that anything sexual, with someone who does not want it, is Rape.
5. Don't believe that spending money on a date entitles you to sex in return.
6. If you're on a date, keep in mind that if your date wants to go so far, but then stop, and you don't stop, you are committing rape.
7. If you see a woman who is drunk, or asleep, or otherwise unable to resist, treat her the way you would like to be treated, by not molesting or raping her.
8. Don't think that having had sex in the past means you can have it now.
9. Recognize that consenting to be your girlfriend or wife is not consent to have sex.
10. Remember that no matter how horny you are, it doesn't mean anyone else is.
11. When someone says no to you, stop.
12. Remember that when someone pushes you away, or otherwise verbally or physically indicates that they do not want to have sex with you, you are committing rape if you continue.
13. Accept that when a woman wants to stop having sex, even if it's in the middle of the sex act, she has that right, and you must respect it.
14. Remember that rape is a crime, and even if you get away with it, you have violated another person's rights, and are guilty.
15. Understand that rape is about power, not about sex.
16. Accept responsibility for your own gender. Stop expecting and advising women to prevent rapes.
17. Place the burden of stopping rape on men, who are the ones that do it, not on its victims.
18. Don't expect women to stop rape, all on their own efforts, without help from you.
19. Learn about rape, don't just accept common myths. Talk to nurses, social workers, and others with experience. Or just listen to the women in your life, since some of them without doubt are rape survivors.
20. Learn about the aftermath of rape. Learn what rape victims experience in the courts, at the hands of police, doctors, even their families and friends.
21. Learn how rapists destroy lives, in ways that are as inhumane as murder.
22. Spend some time imagining what it is like for your woman friends, how it would change your life, to be aware every second of every day that they are at risk of a man violently attacking them.
23. Understand what people mean when they talk about 'rape culture', 'patriarchy', 'male privilege'. Don't dismiss people's legitimate concerns.
24. Volunteer to help your local Rape Crisis Center, even if it's only by donating money. Help publicize their efforts and the good they do. Work toward a day when they are not necessary.
25. Keep in mind that for your woman friends, rape is not just a hypothetical, and the subject is just as painful for many of them as the war is to veterans with PTSD.
26. Reject the idea that one gender is superior to the other. Value and respect both of them equally.
27. Face the fact that sometimes women will not like you, will think you are stupid, will make fun of you, will not treat you well, will fire you from a job, will laugh at you, will refuse your advances. Just like men will.
28. Grow up. Learn to accept rejection, disappointment and frustration. Don't take them out on others.
29. Don't laugh at rape jokes. When you hear one, object to it.
30. React to comments like 'She's asking for it” the same way you react to 'It'd be fun to strangle that baby.”
31. No matter how much of a slut you think a woman may be, defend her right to choose when and where she has sex, and who she has sex with. Insist your friends do the same.
32. When you talk with your buddies, be sure to warn them to NOT RAPE ANYONE if they are out at night, or with a new girl, or in any situation where it is possible for them to commit rape.
33. If you know someone who is a rapist, do something about it. Do not ignore, tolerate, pretend you don't know or don't care, or make excuses for him. DO SOMETHING about it such as, reporting him to the police, and everyone else.
34. If you know someone has or uses Date Rape Drugs, do something about it. Turn them in, warn any women who may be endangered, or do whatever you can to stop that person.
35. Be aware of your surroundings. When you see a man who may be a threat to a woman, watch him, and intervene if necessary.
36. If you have raped anyone, go to therapy until you figure out what is wrong with you, and fix it.
37. If you are a rapist, know that a few million human beings on this planet right now have no respect for you and may even wish you were dead.
38. When you get email chain letters telling women what to do to prevent men raping them, substitute this list instead.
11 comments:
And this is why I love you.
I have somewhat mixed feelings about point 15 ("power, not sex") because while the point is somewhat valid, it is not entirely true as stated. Date rape, for example, very often is about sex, and sometimes has nothing to do with power (well, at least as a motivation).
That said, I'm fully in support of most of this list, and especially point 38 - I have yet to run into "rape prevention strategies" that A) don't blame the victim, and B) are actually useful. I hope you don't mind if I repost it...?
Please do repost it as much as you like. I have mixed feelings about some of them too, I put it out there hoping people would pick on it and improve it.
Good list overall. A few minor quibbles here and there, but really just pedantic stuff regarding definitions, nothing important.
Although, regarding #32: My first thought was, “What the hell kind of friends do you hang out with if you actually feel the need to tell them not to rape someone?”. Followed by, “I would imagine that if you’re the sort of person who likes to hang out with people who need to be warned about not raping, then you probably aren’t the best person to warn them about not raping in the first place as you’re likely as bad and dangerous as they are.”
Yeah, that one needs some work. It's a plagarized, shortened form of this.
Ah, “How not to become a rapist”. I would imagine there only needs to be one super-rule:
“Don’t let your dick control your actions.”
Actually, I do think rape is about control. I think it is about,"How do you dare say no to ME?"
And the fact that so many rapes include violence other than just sex indicates to me that some men are angry at women in general. Maybe they're angry at their own mothers.
Great list. Well thought out and comprehensive.
Reposted on my own blog - thanks.
@Lorena - I'm not disagreeing with the importance of the power/control element; it's the idea that rape is not (ever) about sex that I just can't wrap my mind around.
Part of my problem, I think, is that while I've heard that line numerous times, I've never heard it in its original context. I don't know who came up with it, or what precisely they were talking about at the time. So while I disagree with the assertion as stated, I can easily imagine reading it as part of a larger point and having no disagreement at all.
Michael,
I don't believe rape is ever about sex; it is always about power. The verb "sex" implies consent - it takes more than one. Without a partner, it's just masturbation. There is no partner in rape; it is a violation of another person's body, privacy, rights, and life. It is an inherently violent act intended to exert power over a person's (usually female) body, privacy and self. And that includes date rape.
Uzza,
It's a great list, very comprehensive. For me, however, it was too long to take in easily. I think it could be improved by combining certain items, perhaps by giving them a heading and sub-headings. I'd do it with 1-4, 5-6, 8-10, 11-12 (& maybe 13), 16-18, 19-21, 27-28, 29-30, & 33-34. Each of these clusters is composed of similar/related items; by combining them, I think each would have more punch, and the overall list would be more readable and comprehensible.
Also, some specifics:
13 - I'd change "woman" to "person." (The generic "she" is fine.)
26 - I'd change "the other" [gender] to "any other." Change "both of them" to "all of them." After all, some of us don't fit into the conventional concepts of the gender binary.
36 - Add, "Then find the woman or women you raped, and, in the presence of her family and a mediator skilled in restorative justice, apologize and offer reparation."
37 - I'd eliminate it. I don't think it really suggests a way to prevent rape, and isn't particularly helpful. If the concept is important, incorporate it into 19-21.
Also, if you like #1 from my list, feel free to plagiarize it. (http://silknvoice.blogspot.com/2010/02/rape-prevention-tips-that-work.html) Your comment there was quite appropriate and well taken.
I know these are a kind of nit-picky, but offer in the sense that you seemed to be asking for, both in your comment on my blog and to Michael here. I'd like to hear how you feel about them.
Yes yes yes, I love to pick nits. I'm working on these now. Thank you for them.
Also thanks to everyone who chimed in. or will chime in, to help. :-)
Great list... thank you for going there. As one who has worked with sexual violence for a number of years, we need more people like you!
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