The Seven Commandments (matt 19)

Matthew, chapter 19

Here's Jesus saying you can't divorce your wife, not never ever unless you catch her in bed with the UPS guy. But, but but, in the old laws, Moses said divorce was OK, and remember how Jesus was about them old laws, “I ain't here to abolish them (5:17-18).” Sure sounds to me like abolishing: law said you could, now you can't. Almost makes Jesus look like a liar, don't it?

He clarifies it well into gibberish, seems to say you shouldn't get married (19:11-12). The actual meaning is, and I looked it up, is that it depends on what website you look at, just keep trying till you find one you like. First rule of propheticating: Be vague.

Betcha can't read this without thinking inappropriate thoughts.

13Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and …
15When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there.

LULZ. “you have to look at the context.”

the SEVEN COMMANDMENTS

What the hell, seven? Mother Dominatrice lied to me again. Ever since catholic school I've always heard there were ten, but he's gone and shitcanned three of them, and rewritten two others. Here's the Revised List.

1 no other gods

2 no swearing

3 keep the sabbath

4 honor your parents,

5 do not murder,

6 do not adulter,

7 do not steal,

8 do not lie,

9 don't covet neighbor's wife      love your neighbor as yourself.

10 don't covet neighbors goods      sell your possessions and give to the poor,

I like these new rules. You get to swear (Fuck yea!), and work on Sunday, even have other gods if you want. Hear that Kathy Griffith? You're off the hook. Can't help noticing though that this Jesus guy breaks #4, and #9, and #7, and #8? fuhgittaboutit, the guy lies like carpet. Not just his on-again off-again abolishing the laws, either.

He insists there won't be any miracles, and what's he do for a living? Goes around claiming to heal the blind, crippled, and dead, that's what. If healing the dead isn't a miracle, your standards are higher than mine. If he's not lying abut miracles, then all that healing and raising he claims to be doing is a scam. Either way he's a bald faced liar.Not that there's anything wrong with a bald face.