Eat Me.

John 3:29 the bride belongs to the bridgroom

Funny how you no one cites this bible verse, innit? Yeah, let's see that one on a Tee-shirt. First I thought let's get a whole bunch of those shirts and wear them to the local Baptist crapfest. Then I pictured skeevy old men coming up and giving us high fives, and I jest EWWW, Bad Plan!

I am the bread of life. Eat me.

Lookee, here's something. Did you know that Jesus never had to eat? It's troo, it's says so in the Bible.
John 6:31-34
the cultists: “Boss, you gotta eat something.”
Jesus: “I got my own food.”
cultists: “What, you got your own stash?”
Jesus: “My food is to finish my job”

Wow, what a great job. Totes slashes the grocery bill. Even better than a gig at McDonald's. And get this, a few pages on, the apostles don't have to eat either!

6:35 Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.

Not really sure how this works. Do the people not go hungry like the Donner Party didn't go hungry? Did they 'come to him with a fork and say, “Hey Jesus, gimme a hand?” Jesus is bread? The cow my sister raised in 4H wasn't bred, but we ate it anyway.

This here could be what the spooks call actionable intelligence. With this, could find out who all the True Christians® are, you know, those ones that would never do whatever it is putting the local pastor on the front pages. We just lock them in a room, come back in a few weeks, the ones that walk out are the ones that BULEEV, Hallelujah!

Ain't no True Christians where I live, here in the Bible Buckle. These people are gluttons.