Witness to the Acts

OK, so we've finished the 4 Gospels and we're reading ACTS. First thing the apostles do is, since Judas exploded (no, srsly, he did)

1:21 Therefore it is necessary to choose one of the men who have been with us the whole time the Lord Jesus was living among us, 22 beginning from John’s baptism to the time when Jesus was taken up from us. ...

Crap. The body isn't even cold and they're rewriting history already. There weren't any apostles back at John's baptism.

Check it out in Matt 3-4: at the baptism there's nobody around, then Jesus hangs with Satan for a while, then he goes down to the beach, then he starts preaching, and then he starts  seducing fishermen.

No apostles in the story till his threesome with Peter and Andrew, so if they need somebody who's been around the whole time, Satan's their guy.

Why do they want to do this?  Coz they need twelve guys. See, that's where Danny Ocean screwed up, ya gotta have that 12th guy.

… For one of these must become a witness with us of his resurrection.”

I'm glad our courts don't work like this.

“Did you witness the corpse rise and leave the tomb?”
“ No, I was nowhere around. But his ghost appeared to me later.”
“Good enough”

If I went looking for a witness, I'd start by asking people if they saw anything, but these guys have a better way—they drew straws. That's the ticket, hold a fucken lottery and whoever wins gets to sit up there in the witness box and tell us what happened. Makes detective work a lot easier. The jackpot went to Matthias, some blind guy who was in Antarctica at the time for all we know.  He was the original Twelfth Man, though,  not that player from Texas A&M.