the Loogerans

Shitfuckpisstwat, when I read John chapter 9 I thought it was telling the same story as Mark 8, where our hero heals a blind man. Come to find out they're two different stories. Did Jesus heal one guy two times, or did they just fuck up the details again? I'll go with door two, but one thing is clear, Jesus is going around spitting on people. Yech.

In Mark's story he spits right on the patient, and they guy sees people that “look like trees walking around”. WTF, Ents? Who knew Lord of the Rings was scripture? We should shitcan this old book and start using that one. For an Old Testament we could use Star Wars. Yay! 

mentioned in Mark 8:24  

John likes to put in lots of gossipy details, he blew up Marks paragraph into a whole chapter. In John's story our eye doctor spits on the ground instead, then he scoops up the loogi (how do you spell that?) and gives birth to the expression “Here's mud in your eye”. [ I wasn't serious when I wrote that, but this guy is.]
 This patient doesn't see any Treebeard, and he has to go wash in the pool of Siloam before he can see. Why is that? Does this pool have magic powers? Does Jesus-drool lose potency and need a symbiotic? Does the AMA know about this pool? Why aren't opthamaologists spitting on people?

So many unanswered questions.

*footnote: What us heathens don't understand is that Jesus didn't spit on the dude he spit on, he spit on the illness. 
Loogerans, early Biblical literalists, took this passage to heart and practiced sacramental spitting on each other, especially when they got sick. You've probly never heard of them. They died out.