Black Helicopter Jesus

John 5:16-18 Jesus was doing stuff on the Sabbath, and the Jews didn't like that, so they persecuted him. Oh goody oh goody if here's one thing these godbots like it's being persecuted. Persecution, usually means put up a billboard, or don't say 'Christmas', but here it says the Jews were actually trying to kill the Bread of Life®.
Wait, whut?

John 7:14-24 Bread of Life is going around healing people on the Sabbath, they ask him why, and he says

Bread of Life: “Why are you trying to kill me?”
Jews: Lolwhut? “Who's trying to kill you?”
Bread of Life: “Yer mad at me; Yer judging by appearances.”
John 7:25-6 At that point some of the people of Jerusalem began to ask, “Isn’t this the man they are trying to kill? Here he is, speaking publicly, and they are not saying a word to him.
Kill him without saying a word, that's the ticket. Stone cold, like the Silent Assassin. They argue until

7:30 At this they tried to seize him, but no one laid a hand on him,
7:44 Some wanted to seize him, but no one laid a hand on him.

How does this work? Usually you lay a hand on something to seize it, unless you're a Black Lab. Were they trying to bite him? Lie on their backs and clamp him between their legs? This might explain it, they were trying but they were just really really inept. I don't think Jesus has much to worry about.

7:32, they sent guards to arrest him. That's SOP when you're trying to murder someone, right? But the guards wouldn't do it. They went and investigated and decided they didn't have any reason to arrest him. So much for persecution.  Did that get the know out of the Jesus panties? Not a chance. In chapter eight he's still whining about it,

8:37 ... Yet you are looking for a way to kill me,
8:40 As it is, you are looking for a way to kill me,

and get this—he's talking to his own followers this time.

Bill “whiny little bitch” Donohue is carrying on a great tradition, see. (apologies to Bocephus)
They get on me wanna know Bill
why do you bitch?
(Bill) why don't you shut up?
Why must you whine like a hungry little pup?
Ever since Jesus
it's been our predilection,
so if we're assholes
we're just carryin'
on an old Christian tradition.

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