If a liar lies, is he telling the truth?

(John 5:31-36, 8:13-18)

OK sucker, you wanna take the Bible literally? Throw down. Here's your verse, John 5:31, Jesus says his testimony isn't true.

5:31 “my testimony is not valid.”

No, no, Context! The full verse is

5:31 “If I testify about myself, “my testimony is not valid.”

So what? He's only lying when he talks about himself? That includes all that BS about him being the son of God. You know, that BS the Christian church is founded on.

No, no, you don't understand. The law required more than one witness, so if it was just Jesus talking it wouldn't be valid, but it isn't, it's also God the Father, John the Baptist, His own works, and the OT scriptures*

[*paraphrasing some christstain on a forum]

Oh fer chrissakes. When I talk it's not just me either; it's me, myself, and those thousand I's the night has. My thousand and two witnesses beats the shit out of Jesus' measly five. I win!

You have the devil in your heart. We don't have to take Jesus' word for it anyway. Look at verse 5:32, where he talks about John the Baptist, and says

5:32 There is another who testifies in my favor, and I know that his testimony about me is valid.

5:36 I have testimony weightier than that of John.

LOLBFD! Right in between your two picked cherries, just like a little fruit maggot, he says

5:34 Not that I accept human testimony;

What was John, a shapeshifting alien from planet Xanax? Shee-it. Jesus doesn't accept testimony from humans, but he's willing to use it to convince other people. The cocksucker's as honest as fucking Enron.

I don't care for your language.

I don't care for your logic. Take these verses literally, genius

5:31 “If I testify about myself, my testimony is not valid.”
8:14 “Even if I testify on my own behalf, my testimony is valid”

8:15 I pass judgment on no one.
8:26 I have much to say in judgment of you.

I'm sure you'll figure out a way. I've got  faith.