Schizophrenic Jesus (mat. 25: 29-46)

Still trying to read the new testament, and boy it takes some serious will power. Have I mentioned that this Jesus guy seems like a dick? Well, he seems kind of bipolar too. In the Parable of the Money he says
Everyone who has will be given more, … whoever does not have even what he has will be taken from him.”(Matt 25:29)
Sounds like a far-right wing libertarian, give to the rich and wait for it to trickle down on the rest of us. That's not what Jesus is supposed to be all about. ?!?

But then right after that he goes all hippy. Verses 41-46 are all what he's famous for, feed the hungry and give clothes to the poor, or else you'll go to hell. Except,
 he just reamed us out for not investing our money with Goldman Sachs. Which is it? It's pretty hard to earn any interest on your money after you give it away to the poor. Maybe Jesus thinks the bankers are destitute and starving? 

What about all those christians yowling that you're saved by faith alone, and works don't matter? Christianity For Dummies (seemed appropriate) explains it pretty good but with too much blather. Here's the deal.

'Works' would be all that feeding and giving that Jesus said to do, or it could be all that investing and taking that Jesus said to do. Either way, those are works and there's a buncha places in the bible that say they don't matter for shit, like
"For it is by grace you have been saved through faith. It is not from yourself or anything you've done, but the gift of God." (Ephesians 2:8–9)*
"Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved." (Acts 16:31)
So there ya go. Whether it's Libertarian Jesus or Hippy Jesus, according to the Bible everything he says is bullshit, so go ahead, be an asshole, you'll still get to heaven, all you gotta do is believe in some guy that's a lying schizoid.

No wonder Christians are screwed up**. 
*The koran says this too. One of the things that bugged me about it was every time you  turn around it tells you allah'll do whatever the fuck he wants, no matter what you do, so suck it up. 
**Change that 'Christains' to 'Abramists'.

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