Twas around winter solstice, alone in the house
I was reading the Bible, as quiet as a mouse.
The stories were thrown in the book without care;
contradictions abounded, mistakes everywhere.
I could not understand, or believe
what it said,
its tall tales of people come back
from the dead;
original sin, which was such a bum
rap,
blood sacrifice, curses, and other
such crap.
I sprang to the Web to make sense of such chatter.
Away to the Google I flew like a flash,
to try and make out heads or tails of this trash.
The search engine gave me back
millions of hits;
molesters, and con men, and other such
shits.
When, what to my wondering eyes should
appear,
but hundreds of gods from the earliest
year.
With a little old edit, the story of Horus
I knew in a moment it must be the sou-rce.
More numerous than seagulls, gods and goddesses came,
and I whistled, and marveled, and called out their name;
Osiris! Adonis! Dionysus! Mithra!
There's Attis and Ishtar! And Baldr and
Krishna!
To the land of the dead! Down to hell
they all went,
to the underworld, after their lives were
all spent.
Like fertility symbols these gods they all die,
and then get resurrected, back up in the sky.
So back up to heaven these deities flew,
to start new religions, and Jesus did too.
Right there in the gospels, just like
you would guess,
a brand new Messiah turned up in this
mess.
As I willingly tried to suspend
disbelief
from the pages this Jesus guy came
like a thief.
He was beat all to shit, from his head to his foot,
and put onto a cross just like Horus was put;
His birth in a manger, and marked by a star,
that's a detail he stole from the Goddess Ishtar.
His magic trick changing his water to
wine,
was a ripoff of Bacchus who used to brew 'shine.
He claims to have brought people back from the dead,
that's just like the other gods—what they all said.
was a ripoff of Bacchus who used to brew 'shine.
He claims to have brought people back from the dead,
that's just like the other gods—what they all said.
And in some of his stories he acts
like a cad:
“Hate your mother and father! Don't bury your dad!”
Sends his guys to steal donkeys, and kills farmer's pigs,
and cusses a tree out for not giving figs.
“Hate your mother and father! Don't bury your dad!”
Sends his guys to steal donkeys, and kills farmer's pigs,
and cusses a tree out for not giving figs.
He's a crazy old preacher, who just seems kind of silly
though I had to admit that his book was a dilly,
that tried hard to steal those old stories by stealth,
and I laughed when I read it, in spite of myself.
A shift of my eyes and a twist of my
head,
to the headlines, told me I had nothing
to dread:
all the Pope's rules have been shown not
to work,
evangelicals picket, and act like a jerk;
They cry “war on Christmas” and make silly fusses,
when we put up billboards, or signs on our buses.
But to all the fanatics I give this epistle,
away from your church people fly like a missile,
And I have to exclaim, on this solsticey
night,
that millions of us, without gods, are
alright.