Signs of Santa

This is just cooler'n hell; off-the-charts cutitude, with info from one of the most expertest experts.

Why This Young Girl Is a Masterful Storyteller in Sign Language




the Night before Solstice

Twas around winter solstice, alone in the house
I was reading the Bible, as quiet as a mouse.
The stories were thrown in the book without care;
contradictions abounded, mistakes everywhere.

I could not understand, or believe what it said,
its tall tales of people come back from the dead;
original sin, which was such a bum rap,
blood sacrifice, curses, and other such crap.

When deep down inside I knew something's the matter
I sprang to the Web to make sense of such chatter.
Away to the Google I flew like a flash,
to try and make out heads or tails of this trash.

The search engine gave me back millions of hits;
molesters, and con men, and other such shits.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but hundreds of gods from the earliest year.

With a little old edit, the story of Horus
I knew in a moment it must be the sou-rce.
More numerous than seagulls, gods and goddesses came,
and I whistled, and marveled, and called out their name;

Osiris! Adonis! Dionysus! Mithra!
There's Attis and Ishtar! And Baldr and Krishna!
To the land of the dead! Down to hell they all went,
to the underworld, after their lives were all spent.

Like fertility symbols these gods they all die,
and then get resurrected, back up in the sky.
So back up to heaven these deities flew,
to start new religions, and Jesus did too.

Right there in the gospels, just like you would guess,
a brand new Messiah turned up in this mess.
As I willingly tried to suspend disbelief
from the pages this Jesus guy came like a thief.

He was beat all to shit, from his head to his foot,
and put onto a cross just like Horus was put;
His birth in a manger, and marked by a star,
that's a detail he stole from the Goddess Ishtar.

His magic trick changing his water to wine,
was a ripoff of Bacchus who used to brew 'shine.
He claims to have brought people back from the dead,
 that's just like the other gods—what they all said.

And in some of his stories he acts like a cad:
“Hate your mother and father! Don't bury your dad!”
Sends his guys to steal donkeys, and kills farmer's pigs,
and cusses a tree out for not giving figs.

He's a crazy old preacher, who just seems kind of silly
though I had to admit that his book was a dilly,
that tried hard to steal those old stories by stealth,
and I laughed when I read it, in spite of myself.

A shift of my eyes and a twist of my head,
to the headlines, told me I had nothing to dread:
all the Pope's rules have been shown not to work,
evangelicals picket, and act like a jerk;

They cry “war on Christmas” and make silly fusses,
when we put up billboards, or signs on our buses.
But to all the fanatics I give this epistle,
away from your church people fly like a missile,

And I have to exclaim, on this solsticey night,
that millions of us, without gods, are alright.


Hail, Sol Invictus

 The Freedom From Religion Foundation placed an 8.5-foot-tall Scarlet A monument and banner in downtown Chicago. Here's the banner.

The text reads,
At this season of the Winter Solstice, we celebrate the Birth of the Unconquered Sun--the TRUE reason for the season.
Wait, what does that even mean? The Unconquered Sun, it turns out is Sol Invictus, one of the main gods of the old Romans.  One can only conclude that the stereotypical "militant atheists of the "FFRF worship the sun god.   They've been doing a good job of hiding it, but now that they've outed themselves as sun worshippers, will the christstains still call them godless?



A song dedicated to this genius who just blew the shit out of himself.


Second Amendmentville

Fondlin my pistol
nibblin meth crystal
holdin my weapons all covered with oil 

strokin my six gun
sippin a cold one
suddenly felt a loud noise and recoil

Chorus: wasted today here in 2nd amendmentville  
   not really sure if I committed assault 
  some people claim there's a red neck to blame
 but I know, it's nobody's fault

Don't know the reason
I find guns so pleasin
Here let me show you this Ruger Mark II

It's this one I favor
though it shot my neighbor
how it went off I haven't a clue

                    wasted right here in 2nd Amendmentville
  victim of an inadvertent assault
  some people claim there's a red neck to blame
 Now I think, Hell it could be my fault

Blew away someone
while cleaning my shotgun
round in the chamber but I didn't know

But I got a permit
that lets me do dumb shit
with lethal contraptions that boost my ego

        wasted by a responsible gun owner      
        victim of an inadvertent assault
     Some people claim that there's a redneck to blame
    but I know it's my own damn fault
Yes and some people claim that there's a redneck to blame
And I know it's my own damn fault 


Hail Satan

This should be good.  The ACLU is suing to get a Ten Commandments
monument removed from the Oklahoma City Capitol grounds, and now the Temple of Satan applied to donate a monument to go next to the 10 C's.  ROFL!

They've done this sort of thing before. Back when Rick Perry was pimping a bill to get prayer in school they

staged a Satanic rally thanking Rick Scott for endorsing a bill that allowed Satanism in schools, ensuring that children who might otherwise never learn of the Satanic creed could be exposed to it in the classroom. This was a harsh reminder that religious freedom applies to all, and the United States is a nation based upon religious pluralism.

More lulz--some of the ten commandments were spelled wrong

So what's the Temple of Satan about? Lucien Greaves explains

Religion can and should be a metaphorical narrative construct by which we give meaning and direction to our lives and works. Our religions should not require of us that we submit ourselves to unreason and untenable supernatural beliefs based on literal interpretations of fanciful tales. Non-believers have just as much right to religion—and any exemptions and privileges being part of a religion brings—as anybody else.

Well that sounds pretty interesting on a couple of fronts.

  • Churches aren't supposed to dabble in politics, ostensibly, and these guys are as much a political activist group as a church

  • They reject anything supernatural—yay, them—and most atheists I argue with  talk to insist that
    religion = belief in a supernatural deity 
    but they haven't objected that these Satanists aren't a real, atheist, religion. Awkward.