Mohammad Pouts.

Moving right along to the next schizophrenic delusion revelation in this disorganized jumble of gossip clear guide to life, we come to Chapter 50, verse 1:

1. The hour has come and split is the moon.

Wait...What?! There's two moons? WTF?

As usual with god's “clear, perfect and fully detailed instructions, this means something different with everyone you ask. I found five different explanations.

(1) People actually believe this really happened!! Seriously. It was reported by a number of Mo's homies, But the accounts don't agree:

IMsd says that he saw the peak of Mount Hira’ interposing between the two parts.

I‘Ab says that one of the two parts remained, while the other disappeared (Kf).

But now it's “accepted as correct” because "The incident is narrated in mutawatir (successively repeated) hadith with sahih isnad (sound transmission)". In other words, what Goebbels said, and using foreign words makes it even truthier.

(2) Other people have one toe firmly grounded in reality, and don't believe this could happen, but they do believe it was a miracle performed by Mo. Even though the koran doesn't allow miracles, and it's supposed to be infallible. Right.

(3) For people with most of one whole foot in, it refers to the day of judgment. Supposedly there's something called the prophetic past tense, that indicates the future, so if you mean 'is going to', you say 'went'. And since this verse is written in the present tense......uhhhh....

(4) Then there are people with no feet in reality, who zoom wheelchairs around outer space wearing tinfoil hats and say “This important sign of the approaching end of the world came to pass in 1969 when humans landed on the moon and brought pieces of the moon to earth.” WOO-ee, a Prophecy Fulfilled! Apparently this idea is pretty widespread. Meanwhile, outside the twilight zone,

(5) it's an idiom meaning something like 'the light dawned'. Even the most gullible twit should get a clue from the next line

2. But if they see a sign they turn away,

Yeah, nobody's impressed. Medieval moon-worshippers, why would they be? You can just see it, Abu comes into the tent, “Damndest thing just happened: Our God just broke in half.” and Fatima says, “How about that. Did you feed the camels?”

It looks like Mo tried to pull Columbus' stunt of taking credit for an eclipse, but he fucked it up and didn't convince anyone. So for the rest of the chapter, Mo pouts. “So turn away from them” he says. (v6) “they'll be sorry”, he says, like Noah, and 'Aad and Lot and on and on revenge fantasies for the rest of the chapter. “They think they have scriptures? They think they have an army? I'll kick their ass.” Really grade school.

crazy guy

You have to laugh when he says “They're the ones who're insane” (v47). He's still not quite convinced it's them and not him. Lol! Hang in there, Mo, there're plenty of other crazy people out there in opposite world. Trust me, they'll find you.


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