HELL (& heaven)

Chapter 77: The Emissaries. 1. “I call to witness those who are sent, who strike, who revive, ... and Bill, and George, and Bev, and Susan. Enough with the swearing already---Who are all these jerks? About half the translations say they're winds, and it means angels. Here's a clue: if you mean angels, say “angels”. Jeez.

Same old same old, a lot of it in identical wording to verses we've already heard. Every fifth verse on average, this chapter repeats “Woe to those who deny”. Woe, woe, woe. This is obviously the chorus of a poem, so undoubtedly it sounds better in Arabic, but all it really says is this

(chorus)
He’ll fuck you up (he’ll fuck you up)
Yes, god will fuck you up
If you dare to disobey his stern command.
He’ll fuck you up (he’ll fuck you up)
Don’t you know he’ll fuck you up
So you better do some prayin’ while you can.

Then it describes hell---no shade, fire, sparks the size of camels. From the pictures I've seen of Arabia Mo's descriptions of hell shouldn't have had much effect, because these guys were already living in it. Heaven gets a measly 4 lines—it has shade, springs, and fruit. Gosh, kind of a bargain- basement Tahiti. I bet Sam Kinison could imagine a better heaven. He would've known what to tell Mo:

(transcript)
YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERT! NOTHING GROWS OUT HERE! NOTHING'S GONNA GROW OUT HERE! YOU SEE THIS? HUH? THIS IS SAND. KNOW WHAT IT'S GONNA BE A HUNDRED YEARS FROM NOW? IT'S GONNA BE SAND! YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERT! GET YOUR STUFF, GET YOUR SHIT, WE'LL MAKE ONE TRIP, WE'LL TAKE YOU TO WHERE THE FOOD IS! WE HAVE DESERTS IN AMERICA -- WE JUST DON'T LIVE IN THEM, ASSHOLES!"

It's too bad Mo couldn't have joined the navy and seen the world. If he found out where God's UN-chosen people lived, he would have shit coconuts. The size of camels probly.