Quran Fish Story

See what I've got to work with? Here's your typical koran story, no background, no setting, no explanation: Moses and his helper went to the beach and saw a fish, and then came back. Big woo. Next—no there's no transition; why do you even ask?—Moses found some guy he wanted to study under. Yes, I know moses talks to god. I have no idea why he wants to learn from this dude, or who he is. It's the koran, remember?

The guy agreed but Mo had to promise not to ask questions (18:65-70). He scuttled some boat they were in, and Mo accused him of trying to drown them (v70-73). Then the guy commits a murder (!!!). Mo not only does nothing to stop it, he apologizes for even asking about it! Taken in context, Moses' shady past makes this believable (74-76). They go on to a town, nobody'll feed them, Mo bitches that they could've charged for some work the guy did rebuilding an old wall (77-78). Finally, it explains things (79-82).

He fixed the wall because there was money under it that belonged to two orphans and god didn't want them to find it till they were grown up. He wrecked the boat to foil cops god told him were coming to confiscate it. The murder, why he murdered this kid, was

80 "As for the youth, his parents were people of Faith, and we feared that he would grieve them by obstinate rebellion and ingratitude (to Allah and man).
81 "So we desired that their Lord would give them in exchange (a son) better in purity (of conduct) and closer in affection.

Wrap your mind around that shit.

Then, Zul-qarnain (Same guy? I don't know, never heard of him) went to where the sun rises (ROFL). He didn't do anything there so I don't see why they mention it, but then he went to where it sets (ROFLMFAO—it actually says the sun sets in a muddy spring. LULZ!) Then he went somewhere and blocked off some mountain pass with a big wall—made out of iron covered with lead.

I'm betting archaeologists have never found a trace of this wall, but the worst is what happened at the muddy spring. If I'm reading this right—“sending somebody to the Lord” means killing them, right?—he gave orders to kill all the unbelievers.

87 He said: "Whoever doth wrong, him shall we punish; then shall he be sent back to his Lord;
88 "But whoever believes, and works righteousness, he shall have a goodly reward,

So here's what we've got. A fish swam in a straight line, two murderers went on a crime spree, and a genocidal ruler built a wall.

Why's it tell us these stories? What's the point? I have no idea. Oh, one other thing; these are the good guys. Apparently role models for us to wannabe, these murderers are. If we can't accept that like good little cultists, we could look in the virgintillions of hadith, but some muslims say we'll burn in hell if we do, and remember, knowledge is bad.
Well, fuck it, I'm going to look this up. Stay tuned.

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