The Cave, 18:1-16

Chapter 18 starts out with the usual, it's Christians who'll go to hell this time, and god don't let no unclarity into the koran, no sir, which is a mountain range of IRON E considering what's coming up. There's serious crazy ahead, like the dam holding it all back from the last few chapters has finally burst. It's the Book of Revelations of the koran, starting here---

⁹ dost thou reflect that the Companions of the Cave and of the Inscription were wonders among Our Sign?

No, I dost not reflect, because I hast not the foggiest idea what you're talking about. Who? What? Why?

¹⁰ Behold, the youths betook themselves to the Cave: they said, "Our Lord! bestow on us Mercy from Thyself, and dispose of our affair for us in the right way!"

What youths? What cave? What affairs? What the fuck, and What for should I care?

¹¹ Then We draw (a veil) over their ears, for a number of years, in the Cave, (so that they heard not):

¹² Then We roused them, in order to test which of the two parties was best at calculating the term of years they had tarried!

¹³ We relate to thee their story in truth: they were youths who believed in their Lord, and We advanced them in guidance:

Oh please do. Relate to me their story. Then I'd have some idea what you're babbling about. Some guys went in a cave and you made them deaf for a lotta years, and then you ...did something, roused them—from deafness? ...and wanted parties ... ? .. to test ... WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU RAVING?

¹⁴ We gave strength to their hearts: Behold, they stood up and said: "Our Lord is the Lord of the heavens and of the earth: never shall we call upon any god other than Him; if we did, we should indeed have uttered an enormity!

¹⁵ "These our people have taken for worship, gods other than Him: why do they not bring forward an authority clear (and convincing) for what they do? Who doth more wrong than such as invent a falsehood against Allah?

¹⁶ "When ye turn away from them and the things they worship other than Allah, betake yourselves to the Cave: Your Lord will shower His mercies on you and disposes of your affair towards comfort and ease."

You talkin to me? You're back on that cave kick? I thought you'd changed the subject. OK, I give up. God's crappy unintelligible gibberish perfectly clear book is never going to shed any light on this. Google to the rescue! Click! Type! Enter! Scroll! Annnnd, Enlightenment! (something you never get from this book)

It's talking about a 5^th century Syriac legend, 'The Seven Sleepers of Ephesus'. The Romans accused these kids of being Christians, the kids went up in a cave, did a Rip van Winkle and woke up 300 years later. Why couldn't god just say that? It's one line! Well, two or three, since god's such a windbag, but still, a little background information, set your scene, identify your characters, is that asking too much?

Now that we've gone against god's advice and looked in some other book than his, we can finally make some sense of his aphasic attempt at a story. Just imagine if Allah HAD allowed any crookedness in this book(v1) or NOT made it straight and clear (v2). Scary.