Zombies in the Quran

Ok, so now Mohammed is talking about the 7 Sleepers of Epehsus.

18:18 Thou wouldst have deemed them awake, whilst they were asleep, and wouldst certainly have been filled with terror of them.

Doesn't say why. Maybe he made them be creepy stary-eyed zombie dudes. That would explain how nobody came around to bother them for 300 years. ZOMFG! Look, Zombies! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! Anyway, he bumbles through the story and says he told us it so “there can be no doubt about the Hour of Judgment”. Huh? Some guys slept, so ... (?) I fail to see the connection.

Wait, I've got it. There were zombies in this cave, right, so that proves zombies are real, man, and on the day of judgment we'll all be rotted, flesh-craving undead just like them. Dude, it'll be awesome!

OTOH, I don't even like brains. I'm not the only one either, it says people dispute about it.

18:21 (Some) said, "Construct a building over them": ... "Let us surely build a place of worship over them."

Yikes! Wouldn't that hurt? Then they dispute over how many sleepers were in the “7 Sleepers” story (uhhh, seven?), and Mohammed settles that by saying “my lord knoweth best” and “don't enter into controversies.” Clears that right up. God knows the answer, so we don't need to. I'll use that on my next physics exam.

Creationism much? They don't have an answer, they just say “god knows how.” Well BFD. So what, if he's not telling us? When I report to the job site to construct a building over those poor 7 sleepers, if the bossman tells me “my lord knowest how” he ain't getting any work. I want blueprints.

v23 & 24 keep on with the fatalism, tell us to always hedge by saying “Inshallah”, a good excuse to sit on your ass and do nada cuz it's Allah's will. Then it degenerates into more torture porn and bling. But the zombies were fun.

1 comment:

PersonalFailure said...

clearly, mo was suffering from zombie envy. christianity has the most famous zombie of all time, so he figured seven (or something) would be even better.