Parable of Jerk 'n Prick

Oh boy, a parable! Woot.

18:32 Set forth to them the parable of two men: for one of them We provided two gardens of grape-vines and surrounded them with date palms; in between the two We placed corn-fields.
18:33 Each of those gardens brought forth its produce, and failed not in the least therein: in the midst of them We caused a river to flow.

18:34 (Abundant) was the produce this man had : he said Wait, what man? You mean one of the two gardeners? Why don't you say so. “This man” could be Charles Manson. Or Muhammed. Or Howard Hughes. to his companion, in the course of a mutual argument: "more wealth have I than you, and more honour and power in (my following of) men."

18:35 He went into his garden in a state (of mind) unjust to his soul: He said, "I deem not that this will ever perish,

18:36 "Nor do I deem that the Hour (of Judgment) will (ever) come: Even if I am brought back to my Lord, I shall surely find (there) something better in exchange." He's a snotty sumbitch, Howard is. Thinks he''ll live forever.

18:37 His companion said to him, in the course of the argument with him: "Dost thou deny Him Who created thee out of dust, then out of a sperm-drop, then fashioned thee into a man?
18:38 "But (I think) for my part that He is Allah, My Lord, and none shall I associate with my Lord.
18:39 "Why didst thou not, as thou wentest into thy garden, (LOL, “wentest”) say: '(Allah)'s will (be done)! There is no power but with Allah.' If thou dost see me less than thee in wealth and sons,
18:40 "It may be that my Lord will give me something better than thy garden,

yeah, it may be; or it may be you're just a pathetic little bitch and that He will send on thy garden thunderbolts (by way of reckoning) from heaven, making it (but) slippery sand!- Huh? Sand is made by thunderbolts? It's slippery?

18:41 "Or the water of the garden will run off underground so that thou wilt never be able to find it." And WTF, your idea of something better is for the other guys garden to get blasted to smithereens. You're a jerk.

It's an argument between a colossal jerk and an egotistical prick, neither of which have names. Way to build empathy for your characters there, god.

18:42 So his fruits (and enjoyment) were encompassed (with ruin), Hold it. Whaddya mean “so...”? Mr Prick is bragging: Mr Jerk says maybe something'll happen; ... so it does? Not exactly logical. You should pull a Joseph Smith and say “so it came (cameth?) to pass that the Lord didst smite (smiteth?) the fuck outta Prick's garden” and he remained twisting and turning his hands over what he had spent on his property, which had (now) tumbled to pieces to its very foundations, and he could only say, "Woe is me! Would I had never ascribed partners to my Lord and Cherisher!" Epic Logic Fail! There's a storm, so he thinks it must be Allah, when obviously it was the Mighty Hammer of Thor. Worse yet, Epic Parable Fail. It never mentioned him ascribing any partners.

18:43 Nor had he numbers to help him against Allah, nor was he able to deliver himself. So it was Allah that wrecked his garden? Put out an APB on that perp.

18:44 There, the (only) protection comes from Allah, the True One.??? Protection comes from the one who commits the crime? Works for the Mob. He is the Best to reward, by trashing your fields and crops the Best to give success. Only success in this story is how Mr. Jerk got the God-father to wreck his competitor's business. That's the moral?

It really sucks that god can't manage stuff like transitions or pronominal reference: is he in middle school or what? Maybe the Arabic is better and it's just the translator who sucks, but still, that's no excuse for telling crappy parables. Any Omniscient Omnipotent God should supply a logical connection between the moral and what happens in the story. It's in the job description.

1 comment:

PersonalFailure said...

god: the original spinmeister.