Stalked by Elves!!

Elf Repellents

No, really. There's a guy in Montreal who sees them everywhere he goes, he's even threatened to quit his job if they don't stop harassing him at work.

Don't laugh, though, he's ready for them elves, he's got hisself a 12 gauge. In fact he's got himself a whole arsenal.


He's also got himself a shitload of kiddie porn on his computer, with death threats he's made to people, and his ass in jail where he belongs. 

The prosecutor says

"There's nothing at this point to make us doubt his ability to appear or his fitness to stand trial," 

uhhh, OK, I guess, but his parents?

The death threats were just jokes, no reason to arrest him at all, he doesn't need to see a psychiatrist.

Srsly.  Those elves must have gotten to them already. 

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You're better than me if you can read that headline without laughing.