More War!

48:1 Verily We have granted thee a manifest Victory:

oh fuck, not more of this crap. War, war, war. It's on the nightly news, it's in the koran, it's in the bible, everywhere. Mohammedans want to kill the christians, christians want armageddon, the Hindus want a piece of the action ... all the pagans want to do is smell the flowers. And we're the evil ones. Fuck.

So what's the big victory this time? Well guess what, god forgot to tell us. Some commentationators say it refers to the Muslim conquest of Mecca. Others say it means the Treaty of Hudaybiyya. Still others say it refers to Mohammed being constipated and finally managing a good healthy dump, but that's just me. What the hell, these scriptures can mean anything you want, so why not?
It goes on about the believers gonna get rivers in gardens, and wants god to

⁶ ... punish the Hypocrites, men and women, and the Polytheists men and women,

Punish Punish Punish, this guy is a real prick. It reminds us Mohammed is God again

¹⁰ Verily those who plight their fealty to thee do no less than plight their fealty to Allah.

Get it? Mohammed = Allah. So is allah the prick who wants to punish everybody, or is that just Mohammed, or are they the same? Throw in a holy spook and you'll have a trinity.

Line 13 rags on somebody he calls the desert arabs for not joining in his war. Godhammed hates people that don't volunteer to go fight in his wars, kind of like the Republicans. If he says Weapons of Mass Destruction I'm gonna shit.

Whatever battle he's talking about, his cult won, and he says they're getting a lot of loot. Line 24 says there was no fighting in Mecca, and then “he gave you victory over them” wtf? How was there a victory, and loot, if there was no fighting? Just to make things obscure it adds this:

^48:25 ... Had there not been believing men and believing women whom ye did not know that ye were trampling down and on whose account a crime would have accrued to you without (your) knowledge, ((Allah) would have allowed you to force your way, but He held back your hands)...
^48:26 While the Unbelievers got up in their hearts heat and cant - the heat and cant of ignorance,- God sent down His Tranquillity to his Apostle and to the Believers, and made them stick close to the command of self-restraint;

Trampling people without noticing, is this the Christmas sale at Walmart? I tried to parse all that but I gave up. It looks suspiciously like, “some of the people in Mecca were in the cult, so that's why you didn't get to do the Rape of Nanking bit. Sorry.” Evidently the Mohammedans invaded Mecca, and left a few survivors. Nice of them, what?

I like this one. It sums up these religions in a nutshell:

^48:29 Muhammad is the apostle of Allah. and those who are with him are strong against Unbelievers, (but) compassionate amongst each other.

Follow the rules, but only for the people in our cult. Kill all the rest. There are studies that show this to be the main characteristic of organized religion---Word! For the Lulz, it ends with another incoherent metaphor, muzzies = trees (or something), and says the scriptures described muslims, this way:

29 ... Their marks are on their faces in consequence of prostration. That is their description in the Torah — and their description in the Gospel

FAIL. Show me where it says muslims have calluses on their foreheads.