Mohammed Has Shot His Wad

Chapt 83 'Defrauding', is the last of the Late Meccan Suras, and I really get the feeling that Mohamed has shot his wad. He's not saying anything new anymore, and this chapter is just the same old chorus.

1-6 Don't cheat;
7-9 god keeps a record.
10-17 Unbleevers, TAGTH
18-21 repeats all that, just using a different name for the record book:
(sijin = prison register; iliyin = register. wev)
22-28 bleevers get wine in heaven
29-36 you'll be sorry on Doomday. (JAC)

...And that's the last of Mo's preaching in Mecca. Big-ass changes coming up.

Tentacle Sex

What's the kinkiest thing you've ever done? Whatever it was, the people in Sodom got you beat.

^29:28 And (remember) Lot: behold, he said to his people: "Ye do commit lewdness, such as no people in Creation (ever) committed before you.

REALLY? Lewder than any Lewd in the whole history of Lewdity? That's some serious kink. What could he be talking about? Cephalerotica?

Naw, that's old. Car sex? No cars back then. Camel sex? Too dangerous! Furring? Phagophilia? If it's worse than what's on the internet I don't even want to know about it.

Back in chapter 7 he said the same exact line, and he followed it up with this

^7:81 "For ye practice your lusts on men in preference to women :

So,whatever it is, it's ok to do it with women. ?/? OMFG don't tell me Mohammed fell for that silly old Sodom myth, talk about helping the poor makes people gay like a Teletubby, just like gay marriage forces good Americans to have Sex With Ducks. That story's all up in the Bible, and it doesn't say a damn thing about gay sex, anywhere. Besides, you think cave people never watched penguins, or buffalo, or those perverted bonobos, committing lewdness? The people in Sodom weren't the first gays by a long shot. Whatever it was they did, you'd think god would tell us, y'know, just so we could avoid fire and brimstone ruining the ambiance right when we have a hot scene going.

Maybe Mohammed's idea of lewdness is just not believing:

^29:32 He said: "But there is Lut there." They said: "Well do we know who is there : we will certainly save him and his following,- except his wife: she is of those who lag behind!"

Ooooh, I thought this might be a clue to the Lewdest Lewdness, but when I looked up “lagging” it just means she wasn't a believer. It repeats this in line 33, she didn't believe so she got toasted with all the other lewd kinky people. Makes more sense than the bible version where she got turned into salt (?!) just for looking backwards. Maybe 'lagging behind' is some kind of creepy sex thing.

Line 40, allah's calling himself “we” again, bragging about fucking people up with tornadoes, showers of stones, mighty blasts, swallowed up by the earth, drowned, but hey...

^29:40 It was not Allah Who injured (or oppressed) them:" They injured (and oppressed) their own souls.

Ah, yes, “Look what you made me do”, the abusers' ubiquitous catchphrase once again.

^29:41 The parable of those who take protectors other than Allah is that of the spider, who builds (to itself) a house; but truly the flimsiest of houses is the spider's house;- if they but knew.

Spider webs are stronger and lighter than steel, more elastic than nylon, and more difficult to break than rubber, immune to fungus or bacteria. There are lots of different kinds and spiders use them for everything from building houses to having sex. I dunno if that's lewdness, but it's funny god wouldn't know this stuff. Whoever allah is, “He” seems to be a typical size queen, thinks bigger is better. Spiders like him would be trying to show up the next guy, building webs the size of the Superdome.

^29:46 And dispute ye not with the People of the Book, except with means better (than mere disputation), unless it be with those of them who inflict wrong (and injury): but say, "We believe in the revelation which has come down to us and in that which came down to you; Our Allah and your Allah is one; and it is to Him we bow (in Islam)."
^29:47 And thus (it is) that We have sent down the Book to thee. So the People of the Book believe therein, as also do some of these (pagan Arabs): and none but Unbelievers reject our signs.

Let's see, don't dispute, except, unless, ... and pagans believe in the bible. I don't know what the hell this means. Sounds a little ominous, though.

^29:48 And thou wast not (able) to recite a Book before this (Book came), nor art thou (able) to transcribe it with thy right hand: In that case, indeed, would the talkers of vanities have doubted.

God talking to Mo, saying he is illiterate. Or left handed. hmmm. Other translations say “you read no book, nor did you write one with your own hand before this”. So this seems to settle the issue of whether Mo could read and write. Who could ask for better proof than this? It's Mohammed telling us that God told Mohammed he was illiterate. I still can't make up my mind about this.

And that's chapter 29.

You Will Win or Lose

Chapter 30 took me on an interesting journey. It talked about the Romans ...

² The Roman Empire has been defeated ³ In a land close by; but they, after this defeat of theirs, will soon be victorious-⁴ Within a few years.

… by Mohammed's time the Roman Empire was ancient history so I marked that with a WTF, but I found out they were talking about the Eastern Roman Empire, what I called the Byzantine. Oh. Silly me. But wait, the Byzantine Empire was falling apart too. They lost most of Italy to the Lombards in 568, the Arabs got the Levant in 634, the Persians had Egypt by 641 & Carthage by 697.... Those 'Romans' didn't make a comeback until the 840s, some 200 years after Mo died. So WTF again.

Well, come to find out the Noble Qur'an makes a prophecy here, y'unnerstand, and it came true, y'unnerstand, that the Romans would win one. See the Emperor Heraclius counter-attacked the Persians in 623, went up through Armenia and Azerbaijan, right up to the Persian's capital in 628, when they tossed out their king and made peace. Heraclius burned them polytheistic fire worshipping infidel's main temple at Clorumia, in 624, the same year as the Battle of Badr. “After this no one could have any doubt about the truth of the prophecy of the Quran,” so there, beeyitches, sez Maududi.

But, I got trouble ... There's big hissy spitty arguments over how many a “a few” years is. I happen to know the answer to this one, because I used to work with Bubba, and he told me.

Get this though—Maududi sez “it can be said with absolute certainty that this Surah was sent down in” 615. LOL!!! absolute certainty!!!! About the koran!!!1!!1!!!elebenty!!1! 615—WTF? He says they were overpowered by the Persians in 615: He's right—and every year before and after that for a couple of hundred, so why pick on that one ? If it was 615 that'd mean he only got two revelations in the next six years. Pigwash. It's a Late Meccan Sura. Late Meccan Suras date 620-622, just before the big move to Medina. There's 25 of them over a space of two years and it's the third to last one so that makes it late 621 at the earliest.

That's right when Heraclius sent his army to outflank the Persians. Seems reasonable to me that when 50,000 Roman soldiers go trompling across Asia Minor the Arabs would notice. Mohammed was no slouch when it came to military strategy, so when he saw them coming and predicted they would win, it's not much of a surprise. Hell, I predicted the US invasion of Iraq would be a clusterfuck; it doesn't make me a prophet.

But the koran did make an accurate prediction, right? Seems like it, till I remembered that Uthman's first official copy was made in 647, back when written Arabic had no diacritics. Until the 11^th century there was no way to indicate vowels, or even tell a lot of the consonants apart, like B, T, N, or Y. It was all oral tradition, or like they say in court, hearsay; a big game of telephone.

Why's that matter? Well because among other things the difference between active and passive in Arabic depends on the vowels, so it means you can't tell “they defeated” from “they were defeated”. It means there were two ways to read these verses: The Byzantine / Romans either

(a) have conquered ... and they shall be defeated .

--or they--

(b) have been defeated … and …. they ... will soon be victorious

That's right, it says the Romans either won or lost, and predicted they would either win or lose. WOOT! Prophetical! A century or three after the prediction, they had to decide which it was, and put in the right dots. That's not exactly impressive. For a while there I thought I'd finally found something worth writing about, but it turned out to be nothing. Ignore this post.

Repeat, Repeat, Repeat

What can I say about Chapter 69? I could say “You already said that”. In fact, I did, for pretty much every verse. It's just one Korancronym after another: judgment days a-coming, bad people go to hell, good people get fruit. The only thing I highlighted was that in hell they drag around a chain 70 cubits long (v32) and only eat “corruption from the washing of wounds”(v36). Lovely.

I'm not making a blog post out of that! I just skipped on to Chapter 70. Nuthin' here either. It only plugs slavery again, v29-30 repeats that exact line from ch23. Screw that, go to Chapter 78, still nuthin', JAC, NAM, YAGTH, GWFYU, ... Jesus, Mo, say something new! ... Chapter 82, JAC, YAGH, JAC ... it says there's an angel writing everything down, wait, it's already said that too. Skip it, although the first few verses do seem kinda poetic, telling about the last day. There's a little more of that in Chapter 84, too, and then he gets all frustrated and asks

²⁰ What then is the matter with them, that they believe not?-
²¹ And when the Qur'an is read to them, they fall not prostrate,

Damn, I can't imagine, there must be SOMEthing wrong with people that don't fall for Nuclear Babies or Penises. Old Mo just can't figure it out. Hey, maybe it's because you're just a LOUSY SALESMAN. You couldn't convince anybody in the first place and for the last half dozen verses you just keep repeating the same old pitch that hasn't worked. What'd Einstein say about doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? Maybe they're just SANE.

On the bright side, if this keeps up I'll be done with the whole book in a week.

Star Worship

Chapter 67 is only 30 verses and there is absolutely nothing new in it that hasn't been beaten to death, skinned, filleted, barbecued, eaten and shit out. I did find out one new thing though;

⁵ And we have, (from of old), adorned the lowest heaven with Lamps, and We have made such (Lamps) (as) missiles to drive away the Evil Ones,

This is about meteors. Mohammed claimed the shooting stars drive demons away, so that means the pagan soothsayers can't send them up to heaven to find shit out like they said they did.

It makes sense; if you live in the desert shooting stars are pretty awesome, so people would naturally attach a lot of woo to them. But seriously, as any Mayan could tell you, they're really the cigarette butts of the Rain Gods.

A Muslim is Offended

It would be nice to hear something intelligent from a person who takes this book seriously. Occasionally a muslim leaves a nasty comment—you can't blame them—and every time I answer politely—I can be polite, believe it or not—and invite them explain their POV, but they never have the backbone to stick around; always just drive-by bitching.

This time Rose has been offended by this old post, so I'm responding in detail and hoping she will maybe answer. Maybe pigs will fly. It's a weird post to pick on since I'm sure she could find more offensive things than the two points I made in this post: that I was surprised to learn you can call Allah by any name you want, and that his ostensible revelation about it seems transparently self-serving. So here's Rose, in Blue.

Yes We Call Allah (SW) al-Rahman and al-Raheem
And Yes, We call him by any name, that we know, or that we feel it might describe his powerfulness and superiority...

Great, I got that. My post said so. So your point is ...?

My other point was that Mohammed used a name that referred to a Yemeni god, which I guessed was from habit after 40+ years of worshiping all the pagan gods, and had to be explained, therefore his revelation. Since we likely don't agree on this second point, it would have been nice if you addressed it instead of going all panties-in-a-knot on other topics. Disappointing.

This is my religion and this is what I believe in
I do not run around asking people to convert to Islam
And since you are atheist, you should not care about what other's believe in...

When others preach that I should be killed, and try to kill me, and kill my neighbors, I definitely should care what they believe in

What I suggest is that you mind your own business

THIS kind of makes it my business, wouldn't you say?

because no matter what you feel or what you say, Islam is not just any other part of everyday, Islam runs in our blood, it shapes our identity

All the more reason to try to understand it. Are you evil or just gullible? Talk to me.

I am really sorry that you read the translated work of Quran in English
That may be if you were Arabic, you can see the beauty of this beautiful holy book....

I'm hardly going to learn to read and write a very difficult foreign language just so I can find out what some religious fanatics think. First of all, whether the book is beautiful or ugly, all that matters is the message it delivers. Secondly, you're hinting at the old line that Classical Arabic is the only language sophisticated enough to convey its meaning, which is simply racist.

It is not for you to decide wether Islam is good or not?

Really? Who is it for then? Sorry, it IS for me to decide what is good for me, and for you to decide what is good for you. See Sura 109.

I would never say Christianity is good or not?

I'll save you the trouble of dragging christianity into this; it's not.

I have not tried being Christian so how can I judge?????

That's pathetic. I can't condemn terrorism until I've been a terrorist? I can't say murder is bad until I've tried murdering someone? How you can judge is pretty simple, and it's the same way you should judge anything, Islam included. (1). Read the old testament, see what christians believe; (2) Read the news, see what christians do. Google “Irish Catholic Abuse” for starters, or “inqusition” or “crusades. It'll make you feel better about your own wackos.

Do you think by reading Quran you can say that????? I dont think so.....................

Well, most of your fellow muslims disagree with you. They constantly nag me to read the koran so I can understand islam. I think by reading the koran I can understand the koran—how much that has to do with islam I'm still confused about. You could help.

Yes I call Him al-Rahman

Allah Akbar Allah Akbar

Well, good. Kiku ha ittoki no haji kikanu ha issh no haji. If you don't know what that means, just take it as a cheap insulting way to exhibit my own perceived superiority by using terms my reader won't know, instead of making an effort to communicate, and going out of my way to be offensive because after all, there is no point in lowering myself to your barbaric level by using your language instead of forcing you to use mine. Sort of a snobby, less honest 'fuck you'. To be fair though, I suppose I shouldn't gripe about people being disrespectful, lol.

Sura 52: By the Mount

Chapter 52 lapses back into swearing on the mount(ain) and the sky that those horrible pagans like so much. You can take the man out of the paganism, but you just can't take the pagan out of the man.
1-16 swears judgment day's a-comin', and sinners'll burn.
17-29 describes heaven, where ²² “We shall bestow on them, of fruit and meat,” served by ²⁴ “ Youths handsome as Pearls well-guarded” to wait on you hand and foot,
and deliver pizza with EXTRA SALAMI, baby, ...

..."and houris with big beautiful eyes”.
Slaves again. It's the koran.

------

29 on disses the non-cultists with a lot of rhetorical questions like ³⁹ "Or has He only daughters and ye have sons?” Whoa, killer arguments there, wow. It sounds like nothing so much as a Chick Tract. It needs to be rewritten, maybe like this, or this.

Sura 32: the Prostate

Let's recap. We're blogging the Koran, recording our impressions as we go, which mostly are: Borrrrrinnnnng!!!1!1 Considering all the other things going on in my life, it's hard to keep dragging myself back to this dreck. But I'll keep going, and finish this project, because of some mysterious genetic defect.

We're in past the middle of the Late Mecca period. Mohammed's been preaching for about 8 years, and still hardly has any followers. It's easy to see why. He hasn't said anything noteworthy, he's just another raving street preacher giving the same lame sermon over and over. And over. Chapter 32 is just another version of it:

...this is a true book, bla bla god made everything, knows everything, bla, bla judgment-day's a-comin', bla. Verses 14-16 tell us good people fall down in adoration, (the name of the chapter, 'The Prostration', comes from this, not male bladder dysfunction), they forsake sleep in order to pray, they give money (Betcha never saw that comin, hmmm?). And about that god, alias 'We' and 'Me', here's what he's like:

¹³ If We had so willed, We could certainly have brought every soul its true guidance: but the Word from Me will come true, "I will fill Hell with Jinns and men all together."

The fuck? At least he's upfront about it. What's missing is any reason to a) worship such an asshole, and b) believe anything Mohammed says. Oh, and c) read this book.

WHOA, WHOA, HOLD IT, What's this shit?

²¹ And indeed We will make them taste of the Penalty of this (life) prior to the supreme Penalty, in order that they may (repent and) return.

The “them” we-me-god is talking about is me, and probly you reading this, all of us who don't swallow his judgment day threats. God wants us to suffer. He's not content with torturing us after we die, he wants us to suffer in this world. Says so right here. Am I paranoid to think some of his followers might interpret this to mean:

Allah wants infidels to taste of the Penalty of this (life)
Allah will like it if I make infidels taste of the Penalty of this (life)
For the sake of Allah, I should make infidels taste of the Penalty
I should go shoot some infidels, for the sake of Allah.

Naw, that'd never happen.

The Rape Cultists

Chapter 23, the Believers, starts out with a plug for sex slavery

¹ The believers must eventually win ... ² Those who ... ⁵ ... abstain from sex, ⁶ Except with those joined to them in the marriage bond, or the captives whom their right hands possess, for (in their case) they are free from blame,

There ya go. God's complete guide to life, telling us he's perfectly down with having slaves, and raping them. This isn't new, we've seen it before here and here. I'm too disgusted to make any snarky comments.

After that, Al-zheimers-lah gets a little confused, forgets what he said in the last chapter, that (21:30) “We made from water every living thing”, and starts rambling

^23:12 Man We did create from a quintessence (of clay);
^23:13 Then We placed him as (a drop of) sperm in a place of rest, firmly fixed;
^23:14 Then We made the sperm into a clot of congealed blood; then of that clot We made a (foetus) lump; then we made out of that lump bones and clothed the bones with flesh; then we developed out of it another creature. So blessed be Allah, the best to create!

Best to create my ass. The god in genesis just formed man out of dust and breathed on him. No fumbling around with clots and lumps. The Bantu's god created people just by puking. If that's not better, at least it's a lot simpler.

God rambles on for a spell, about how he made other stuff too, date palms, and olive trees, and cows and ships, and that reminds him that

1. A prophet shows up,
2. people diss prophet,
3. God kills everybody.

but he uses two thousand words to say it, and that's the rest of the chapter.

bleh

Chapter 21. The Prophets. 112 verses.

Picture it. Some crazy guy comes wandering down out of the hills and says he talks to god. You want proof, right? Those Arabs weren't stupid, they asked the same thing from Mohammed:

⁵ ... “bring us a Sign like the ones that were sent to (Prophets) of old!"

God's telling the story, and he says naw, yer wrong,

⁷ ... the apostles We sent were but men, to whom We granted inspiration ...
⁸ Nor did We give them bodies that ate no food, nor were they exempt from death.

He seems to be saying none of the other prophets did any miracles, so he don't gotta neither, nyahh nyahh. I guess we're not supposed to remember Moses's magic wand, or even later in this same chapter when they try to burn Abe at the stake and

⁶⁹ We said, "O Fire! be thou cool, and (a means of) safety for Abraham!"

Too bad they didn't try that with Mo. He'd've won them pagans over for sure if he would've pulled a Sam McGee. And if he didn't, well, that would've saved the whole world a lot of grief.

When they ask why anybody should believe him, god (aka Mohammed) just keeps repeating how god made everything, people didn't appreciate him, and then he killed them all. That's really his only argument. We've blogged thru over half the koran by now and three quarters of it consists of nothing else but this, so when it blows a whole chapter on different ways to say it again, excuse me if I'm not transported into a frenzy of religious ecstasy. Or still awake. They could just say (repeat chorus) 112 times. Save ink.

Al-zheimers-lah says he created man from dust (3:59), fermented clay (15:26) semen (16:4) a soul (4:1) dust-sperm-clot-flesh (22:5), so it's no surprise when the old gent blurts out another one:

(21:30) We made from water every living thing.

God should stay on his meds.

And finally, a quiz.

BZZZZT! Wrong. None of the above. The good things are how much land you control, how big your borders are, how big your empire is, how much power you have. God says so, see?

⁴⁴ Nay, We gave the good things of this life to these men and their fathers until the period grew long for them; See they not that We gradually reduce the land (in their control) from its outlying borders?

This is just so spiritual and uplifting, I could just go out and knock off a convenience store.

Obliquitous Comminations?

Chapter 14 says the lord's path hasn't got obliquity (v3) LOL, says to fear his commination (v14), LOL. Who talks like that? This is the Ahmed Ali version, and Amazon's review says he's “succeeded in bringing all of the subtlety, depth, and spiritual power of Islam into his translation”. If you say so, dude. Different strokes and all that, but most of us say crookedness and threats, since about the 15^th century.

Name of the chapter is Ibrahim, it's about Abraham, my candidate for Worst Person in the Entire History of the World^®, what with starting all three of these patriarchal monotheistic horror shows. I'm supposed to know all about him:

35. Remember when Abraham prayed: "O Lord, make this a city of peace, and preserve me and my progeny from worshipping idols:

No, I don't remember. Never even met the dude. And it sounds like he has a personal problem: “Hello, my name is Abraham and I'm an idol worshiper. ... Please, please stop me before I worship again!!!”

It turns out Moslems say that Abraham founded Mecca—that's the city he's talking about, with the pagans and their kinky prayers. They were there first with their sacred meteorite, until he came along and built the Kaaba over it. Apparently this didn't offend their holy site, since there's no word on pagans rioting and throwing rocks and overturning camels. Again I say, these pagans are just too nice for their own good. Some of Abe's children, those who survived their abusive childhoods with the mock executions and all, he stuck there by the Kaaba, out in the desert where there was no food, so they'd have to depend on handouts to survive. That's what this is all about:

37. I have settled some of my children, O Lord, in a barren valley near Your sacred House, so that, O our Lord, they may be constant in devotion. So put in the hearts of men some kindness for them, and provide fruits for them: They may haply be grateful.

Follow the logic here: You'd think god wanted all of us to be holy; but the holy ppl don't support themselves so they'd starve unless they sponge off the rest of us; so if everybody was all holy, nobody'd grow any food, so everyone would starve. I'm with Sam Kinnison, “we have deserts too, but we don't fucken LIVE IN THEM”. When you're too lazy to grow your own food, don't expect handouts from the rest of us—we have to work for a living. These first welfare queens put a lot of effort into complaining how horrible the people were who were feeding them. Nowadays they sit around on the dole, attacking the government. Ya gotta respect those traditional ways, yo.

It harps on this old meme some more too ...

4. ... God leads whosoever He wills astray,
27 God ... leads the unjust into error

Sooo, it's entirely possible this whole mohammed/koran business is god leading people astray, right? How could they know it wasn't?

Hmmm. He's a tricky one, god is.

Oh Fun, a Fundy

Anonymous panties are all wedgied over this post, becuz

If you take verses out of context, you can make them say whatever you want. Oh goody; I'll make “kill every living thing” say “do not harm any living creature”. How do I do that? Waterboard it or something? But in context, God WAS talking about a specific people group (or city in this case); and among that people group that was against God and wicked God said they were against wicked God too? And god said “let there be commas,” .. no wait, he said "kill every living thing." He was was he was was, was he? referring to that group. The nations he lists in the very next verse were nations that burn their children in the fire, human sacrifices, sexual immorality, etc. His list includes the Hittites, the first constitutional government, who wrote the Hittite Laws, notable for rejecting the death penalty, so until you produce some evidence for all these burned up children, we'll just go on assuming you're full of shit, mmmkay?

If you read the rest of the Bible you would know that God never told the Israelittes (sic) to kill everybody else in the world; If I read the previous verse he says to do it to “all the cities”—London, Paris, Bangkok, L.A.--so your point is what, god is all moral because he doesn't bother to hunt down people that live way out in the sticks? in fact in that same chapter for other groups they were at war with by “at war with” you mean the procedure outlined in 10-12: offer to enslave them, and if they refuse, attack them. Y'know, like Hitler or the Visigoths. He said to only wipe out the men,but to spare the women and children- Oh damn, that's right. God only said to kill all the men in the world. So it's all good then. and this ONLY if they would not make peace. By 'make peace' you mean “be tributaries unto thee, and serve thee”(11) like those nice Egyptians made them do earlier.

Also, this is the Old Testament you're quoting from. They were under a different covenant, when Jesus came He fulfilled the old one Jesus killed all the men in the world? and so we're not under their laws. If it doesn't matter, why'd you just waste all that time making excuses for it? Why didn't you just say The OT is bullshit”? Shoot, we could have agreed on something. The New Testament says "Do not kill", even those who do not agree with you. The Koran does not make this disctinction; it simply says "Kill all infidels". At least they're consistent about it.

My point? Don't make a claim about what the Bible or Koran teaches by taking one sentence out of context. Like you just did with the New testament? Sorry, I'll make any damn claim I please. You can come up with intelligent reasons why my claim isn't valid, as opposed to incoherent ones like here: you pointed to the context of the surrounding verses that make it look way worse, to show it's not bad. Epic Fail.

Four minutes later anonymous had an epiphany, or something, and sent a new comment.

No, only the nations listed are to be destroyed. He seems to be disagreeing with something here. Me? Himself? Frederich Nietzsche? Context, dude, context. If u read the Bible they were really bad nations. And if u don't read the bible they were really good nations? Maybe u shouldn't read the bible then. If you're not one of those specific people named who totally defied God (like it says earlier in the Bible) you're safe. I don't want to be safe. I want to be moral, non-violent, stuff like that. But laughing. Read the next verse please:

"However, in the cities of the nations the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance, oh man, I thought it was bad when yuppies give their kid a new car on their 16^th birthday, god gives these guys entire fucking countries! with instructions do not leave alive anything that breathes. Nothing, got that? Not a baby or a puppy or a kitten 17 Completely destroy them fucking puppies—the Hittites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites—as the LORD your God has commanded you cause He hates the kittehs. 18 Otherwise, they will teach you to follow all the detestable things they do in worshiping their gods, and you will sin against the LORD your God." Whoops. You said it was cause they were child-burnin', human sacrificin', sexually immoral kittehs. It's really cuz they have this real kinky way of praying, and if they show you it, u r helpless to resist, u becomes mindless zombee, can't halp but join in eevil rites.

Bite me. The context is a couple of holy books filled with thousands of exhortations to violence and murder. A moral book would be full of exhortations like “One should treat all beings as he himself would be treated" (Sutrakritanga). The context is your crappy gods aren't half as moral as the human beings who wrote that.

A Puzzle