1. Qâf. [These letters are one of the miracles of the Qur'ân, and none but Allâh knows their meanings].
O shit, more secret letters! They set the bar pretty low for miracles, Hey look-- X – I've performed a miracle! I'm God's Messenger; send me your money by Paypal! Then I kept finding this explanation all over the web, word for word, so it must be important;
The Surah derives its name from the initial letter Qaf, thereby implying that it is the Surah which opens with the alphabetic letter Qaf.
WTF? Even after I looked up “imply” in the dictionary this doesn't make any sense. When I say this is stupid, I'm not implying it's stupid, I'm saying it's stupid. It's pathetic how these people are so hard up for miracles and meaning in their lives. They'd find real meanings and real implications if they looked in a book on astronomy, or biology—of course then they'd have to think. Never mind.
Ya gotta admit qaf makes pretty kickass boat, though.
That was a float at the 2006 Asian Games. (Click the picture) Anyhow after the miracles are over, it starts.
v1. Qaf. I call to witness the glorious Koran.
If this is god saying "Look what I wrote", it's stoopid. If it's Mohammed trying to puff himself up, it makes sense, but you'd have to be a filthy infidel to say that. I'll say that. Next those crazy unbelievers, they say that coming back to life after you die is far-fetched. Word, homes! Mo's devastating counter-arguments are: the book says so; look at the earth and the sky and stuff; God made everything; I'll kick your ass like I did Noah and them other guys. Fuck, I'm convinced; OBVIOUSLY dead people come back to life. Having incinerated his opponent with the blazing clear light of logic, he goes on describing his resurrection day fantasy, repeats the same arguments some more, and in the last line says
50:45 ...it is not for you to compel them.
Mo? ... Jihadis? ....Hello? ... God's on the line here. ... Anyone? ... Ben Stein?
There are angels in this chapter too, for shits and giggles. You know the old cliché about an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other? He seriously says this.
(17)When the two (angels) who keep the account, one sitting on the right, one on the left, take it down,
(18) There is not a word he utters but an observer is ready
Rofl! It also says there is one in front and behind (13:11) and his very next revelation he's gonna say there is one over you (90:4). WTF? Is there two? One? Five? Whatever; just remember there is no confusion in the Quran. Good thing the angels are invisible or we'd be tripping over them all the time. I have trouble enough with my cats.