Iron, Novocaine

Chapter 57

57:4 heh heh, god is firmly established on the throne, heh heh.

57:8 & 10. LOL, why don't we bleeve? Lol.

^57:8 What cause have ye why ye should not believe in Allah.

Uhhh, cuz it's stupid?

^57:10 And what cause have ye why ye should not spend in the cause of Allah.

Mmmm, you know the cause where I don't take my money out in the back yard and make a bonfire with it? That cause, dumbass.

57:12-15 is a bunch of gloating over other people that are suffering in hell, taunting them, really awful. Hate the sin and taunt the sinners, yessir, that's old all-merciful allah & co.

57:20 a nice piece of projection; life is nothing but pomp and boasting .... I suppose that's true when you're the leader of a cult. For the rest of us, not so much. Whatever, dude.

Line 22 is pretty clear---no free will , everything's prewritten in the holy tablets in the sky

^57:22 No misfortune can happen on earth or in your souls but is recorded in a decree before We bring it into existence:

LOL it's the divine plan:

Remember that? The Divine Plan. Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan, put it into practice. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. Now, you come along, and pray for something. Well suppose the thing you want isn't in God's Divine Plan? What do you want Him to do? Change His plan? Just for you? Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? It's a Divine Plan. What's the use of being God if every run-down shmuck with a two-dollar prayerbook can come along and fuck up Your Plan?”

George Carlin
On Religion

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57:25 is a history lesson. God sent down a book, a balance, & iron(!) so he wants us to worship him. Notice god's priorities here:

[057:025]  ... and WE sent down iron, wherein is material for violent warfare and diverse uses for mankind,

Cheez, we're supposed to fall down with gratitude to the guy for making better genocide? Not gunpowder or even stainless steel either, just crummy old iron. Probably rusty. You want me to worship you, buddy? Send Penicillin, send birth control, send ziplock plastic bags and indoor plumbing. Iron? Sheee-it. My dentist sends down Novocaine; line up behind her, you loser. 

Sura 32: the Prostate

Let's recap. We're blogging the Koran, recording our impressions as we go, which mostly are: Borrrrrinnnnng!!!1!1 Considering all the other things going on in my life, it's hard to keep dragging myself back to this dreck. But I'll keep going, and finish this project, because of some mysterious genetic defect.

We're in past the middle of the Late Mecca period. Mohammed's been preaching for about 8 years, and still hardly has any followers. It's easy to see why. He hasn't said anything noteworthy, he's just another raving street preacher giving the same lame sermon over and over. And over. Chapter 32 is just another version of it:

...this is a true book, bla bla god made everything, knows everything, bla, bla judgment-day's a-comin', bla. Verses 14-16 tell us good people fall down in adoration, (the name of the chapter, 'The Prostration', comes from this, not male bladder dysfunction), they forsake sleep in order to pray, they give money (Betcha never saw that comin, hmmm?). And about that god, alias 'We' and 'Me', here's what he's like:

¹³ If We had so willed, We could certainly have brought every soul its true guidance: but the Word from Me will come true, "I will fill Hell with Jinns and men all together."

The fuck? At least he's upfront about it. What's missing is any reason to a) worship such an asshole, and b) believe anything Mohammed says. Oh, and c) read this book.

WHOA, WHOA, HOLD IT, What's this shit?

²¹ And indeed We will make them taste of the Penalty of this (life) prior to the supreme Penalty, in order that they may (repent and) return.

The “them” we-me-god is talking about is me, and probly you reading this, all of us who don't swallow his judgment day threats. God wants us to suffer. He's not content with torturing us after we die, he wants us to suffer in this world. Says so right here. Am I paranoid to think some of his followers might interpret this to mean:

Allah wants infidels to taste of the Penalty of this (life)
Allah will like it if I make infidels taste of the Penalty of this (life)
For the sake of Allah, I should make infidels taste of the Penalty
I should go shoot some infidels, for the sake of Allah.

Naw, that'd never happen.

I'm fucking Moses!

73 Moving right along, chronologically speaking, Chapter 73 is more whining, and Mo convinces himself he's just like Moses. Hell, he IS Moses! God has his back! Then in 74, he takes the plunge and decides god wants him to go inflict himself on other people. Like you weren't doing it already, Mr camel guts.

74 Mo goes back to the cave, resolves his doubts by having 'god' tell him yes, he should go start his own religion, then works himself up into a lather over some guy Walid that he can't convert, and all the hardships Mo'll inflict on him, till he splooges all over himself in verse 31 moaning about some weird secret hell number that only he'll know. Relaxing in post-orgasmic repose, he gloats for another 26 verses over Hell, until he even believes his own bullshit.

This last gloat-fest includes the sickest vision yet, a horrifying description of his homies sitting blissfully around in heaven's gardens casually conversing with--and taunting!--the people burning in hell. What kind of monster could watch his own family members being burned alive and contentedly pop another grape in his mouth and ask "My my, what did you do to deserve this? Gee, Mom,you must've been really bad. I bet that hurts, huh?" What a sick fuck. Pronounced lack of empathy? Check. Sociopathic personality? Check. The pieces are falling into place, and things don't look good for Arabia.