Doubt in the Quran

Chapter 2:1-2

This is as far as I got trying to read this in the usual way: pick up a Quran and start reading from page one. First is a silly little prayer that doesn't mean much, then you see this.
Line one: Three totally meaningless letters. You think "WTF?" and go on to
line two:

2) This is the Book; in it is guidance sure, without doubt,

You think, "WTF², then what did those three letters mean?" and you look it up. The experts say "One obvious meaning of this verse is that this Book, the Qur'an, is undoubtedly from God. Another possible meaning is that ....."

Wait just a damn minute. Another obvious meaning is that this is horseshit. If there's no doubt in it why have the Mo-men been killing each other over it for a thousand years? If it's the Word of God®, why is it telling flat out lies?

Ziauddin Sardar explains it, by saying compressed blue unicorns weightlessly cavort in traffic buns of hopscotch.

Can't argue with that.