Bad Things happen when you're Horny

This guy got himself in a predicament. His horn caught on a wire--that's a live wire---he slid downhill, and ended up hanging 15 feet in the air.  A 13yo kid noticed his "halp!"s and came to the rescue.  She took more awesome pictures of this while they roped him and got him down, somehow.

Not only was he not hurt, they think maybe he was eyeing the ewes in the field down below, so they put him down there with them. As a reward.

Some guy'll do anything to get laid.  

How it Feels to be a Woman

Kevin Foley, Australia's deputy Premiere, went out barhopping, was out  on the streets alone around 3 a.m., and somebody punched him out.  Deborah, In a Strange Land, has a post that's worth repeating the whole thing.

___________________________________

News flash. One is entitled to walk on city streets without being assaulted

Pop on over to Dr Cat’s blog to read her excellent analysis of this claim

Ministers arriving for cabinet yesterday said Mr Foley was entitled to walk on a city street at any hour without being assaulted.

Now you know how it feels to be a woman, Kevin (SA edition)

__________________________________________

money quote from Dr. Cat:

Yes he is. And I'm sure none of those Ministers would even dream of saying Well, clubbing and pissed on the streets in the small hours, he was just asking for it. I wonder if he was scantily clad.

What's this Blog?

What's this blog about, anyway? I could use some advice, because I don't fucken know. Oddly enough, people read this, so I thought maybe they could help me.

It started out with reading the Koran and recording my impressions. Back then I only posted stuff if it was related to the Mohammedan's Book.  I was focused, baby, on task.

After I finished the Koran I missed blogging, but I needed something to blog about. I started doing the New Testament, but let's face it the bible is BORING, and besides, everybody does it. It's really hard to stick with it, I keep getting distracted by current events, aka things to bitch about.

I don't want to just bitch, so I try to hunt up "good news"--things that are inspiring or admirable, to keep alive a little spark of hope, spread some love. Humor is good. You might not have noticed that I try to be humorous.
Oh well, here's the deal: you tell me what makes you come to this blog, and I'll try to write more of it. Deal?

Feminization

Goatse of the Year Bryan Fischer complains that the Medal of Honor has been feminized. How exactly was that done, I wondered. Do the medals have little genitals, so you can go in and do a sex change operation? How do you sex a medal in the first place? Not being sure, I did some research, and LOOK WHAT I FOUND!!!111ll!11

That's the Air Force version up there.  The army one has a picture of Minerva on it--another Woman! And the Navy one, OMManlyG, it has a picture of Minerva too, and she's kicking some man's ass. A woman. Beating a man! The Horror! The Horror!!

"Two figures appeared on the inverted five-point star, Discord and Minerva, the goddess who represented both war and the ancient wisdom of the Athenian democracy. On the Medal of Honor, Minerva defends herself with a shield of stars and stripes while she holds for attack an axe in a fasces, a collection of tightly bound sticks that, for the Romans, symbolized authority through unity and singularity of purpose. By contrast, her opponent, Discord, is armed only with writhing serpents."

---Mikaelian, Allen and Wallace, Mike. Medal of Honor: Profiles of America's
Military Heroes from the Civil War to the Present. Hyperion 2002. 

This is kind of interesting, and that noise you hear in the background is Mr. Goatse screaming why would those manly military man's men put such an unmanly thing on their manly medal?  I think there's more to this being a hero gig than he will ever understand.    

Uzza's Law

For  a while now we've had Godwin's Law.   After suffering through 3,484,746 stupid blathers like this, I think we need a new law.

“For any ongoing criticism of Christianity, the probability of a claim that it would not be applied to Muslims approaches 1." 

the Forced Labor Debate

The NY Times has an opinion piece, about abortions and when women should be allowed to have them, where Ross Douthat wants a “compromise” with William Saletan and David Garrow. Maha has this to say:

Yes, three men are debating a “compromise” on abortion. To me, this is something like Texas and Wyoming “compromising” on Connecticut speed limits.”

FULL OF WIN!

 -----------------------------

ps. credit for the post title goes to c u n d gulag (how's that for a cool name?) in the comments.

Scanning Davy Crockett

The Apostate's Chapel has a questionnaire up, about all this Traveler's Subjugation Agency bullshit.

1. Would you submit to a full-body imaging scan? NO: only in a hospital, for a competent doctor.
2. Would you submit to a full-body pat-down search? NO: Was Davy Crockett scanned before he went out and became King of the Wild Frontier? Did Daniel Boone wait around for a pat-down before he went out and settled the wilderness? “Home of the Free and Land of the Brave” my ass.
3. Do you find either of these measures personally invasive? YES. Professionally I've spent a lot of time teaching children to recognize a "bad touch"; that they own their bodies; that they have a right to say "no". I don't appreciate the federal government coming in and showing them it was all a lie. 
4. Do you find both of these measures personally invasive? YES
5. Do you find both of these measures equally invasive? YES, just in different ways, and a $10,000 fine for not doing them also. I find a forced choice between extortion, cancer, and sex abuse in violation of the 4^th Amendment personally invasive. I'm touchy that way.
6. Do imaging scans enhance airline passenger safety? NO, they do just the opposite. 
7. Do pat-down searches enhance airline passenger safety? NO, and they wouldn't be worth it if they did.
8. Are there other measures that airlines should take, in addition to these, to enhance passenger safety? NO. The only thing they should take is a flying leap.
9. Are there other measures that airlines should take, instead of these, to enhance passenger safety?NO, unless “get rid of all security and go back to the way things were in 1960” is a measure.
10. Will these security measures make you more or less likely to fly in the future? LESS, since it's only gotten worse since I told them to stick it, and swore off flying forever, and even canceled my vacation, about a year ago. 

Extra Bonus Question.

Arguments, I haz dem

Since I have no idea what this blog's about, and I need to post something, I'll put in a discussion from a comment thread on another blog. This dude put:

• Shocker: TSA agents actually don’t like being forced to look at naked people or pat them down all day.

Below are my comments in Royal Purple, as befits a wise and ancient Goddess. His are in dumb old black and white.

clickee

• Re the T&A,
  the guys in Reserve Police Battalion 101 didn't like being forced to do what they had to either. But they went ahead and did it. 

• Yeah, well, obtrusive pat-downs are one thing; aiding a genocide is another. I’ll hold off on those comparisons until things have escalated to that point.

• Well, that's a really dumb answer. Lemme guess: you haven't read Ordinary Men; you haven't read The Lucifer Effect; you're not familiar with Phillip Zimbardo's work, or read his Vinegar Barrel interview.
  Have you seen Swing Kids? Good Movie.

clickee

• I haven’t heard of any of those titles (nor do I expect they’d interest me), and I fail to see how my reply was dumb. The TSA are doing ill in groping passengers and looking at their junk; the RPB101 did ill in participating in mass murder of millions. I did not say that they wanted to do what they did, or liked it. If you think those are to be equated in some manner, pray tell. I don’t see the equivalency.

• Aw, shit. I gotta go to bed but I promise to send a nice snarky answer your way tomorrow.
  ps you really should watch Swing Kids, it's a classic.

Since a Goddess keeps her word, unlike that flaky god of Abraham, here is my snarky but omnisciently perceptive answer. Enjoy my purple prose.

Misquoting EBB, “How is your answer dumb? Let me count the ways.”
#1. you wait till actual genocide is happening before you do anything about it? Your future does not look bright, girlfriend. That's a cliché even, first they came for the airline passengers or something.
#2 you think these two things are different—ROFL. Here are two cases of paramilitary organizations ordering their members to do things they find morally repugnant, typical examples of authoritarian, hierarchical organizations exhibiting the same much-researched, well-understood dynamics and predictable symptoms any such organization will exhibit.

So I pointed and laughed, “U haz a dum”, and gave you references, so you could cure your harrble case of ignernts, and cited the most famous references, ones that anybody should be familiar with if they want to talk politics or any social phenomena, unless, of course, they have shit for brains and write blog posts with no connection to reality, like Vox Day, than whom we have higher standards. Well, I do.

Out of the goodness of my heart (that tiny different-colored part in the back corner) I gave you these references without even asking a finder's fee. Did you take my wise and benevolent advice to heart, and humbly mend your ways? Alas, no, you responded with transparent bluster worthy of a politician (not just any politician, maybe Sarah Palin), to wit:

“I haven't heard of any of those titles,” another way of saying “I am a pitiable ignorant dumfuck, oblivious to history” followed, in an amazing display of contortionism, by inserting your other foot in your mouth, “(nor do I expect they’d interest me)”, shorthand of course for “Facts? I don't need no stinkin' facts. I's ignorant and proud, and fixin' to stay that way”. Nailing shut the coffin on your credibility, you prove your brain was having an out-of-body experience by adding that they are both “doing ill” and they both “didn't want to”, followed incoherently by “If you think those are to be equated in some manner, pray tell.” In math symbols, A=X and B=X, therefore A=/=B, WTF?!

Final grade? Whatever's worse than F, which stands for Fail. 

Fpic Fail. 

Flailing Foolish Floundering Faux-pas Fiasco Failure

clickee

Here's the thing. Some people, who have shit for brains, such as yourself possibly, (see how I toned down the gratuitous personal insult there? I try to be polite, see) think these situations are unrelated, because they look at the final result and see wildly disproportionate things. Minor sexual assault in one case, and cold blooded, systematic genocide in the other. This is--what's a polite way to put it--fucking stoopid, since you can't interrupt a process once it's already completed. The way to effect change is to recognize a process in its early stages, like Naomi Wolf. I'd link to her Ten Steps article, but you already said you don't got no interest in larnin' yerself no facks, so we'll just let the process continue, the security forces shoot your dog, waterboard your civil rights and bugger your personal dignity, with no lube, and after the US invades Canada (probly for the NorthWest Passage) and you're kneeling on the edge of a trench waiting for your bullet from Vox, you'll remember my profound words of wisdom and say, “Fuck, I should've listened to Uzza”. Lulz.

Thanksgiving Prayers

It's time for a Thanksgiving feast, held to express gratitude for our blessings at the end of the harvest season. Before the meal tradition is to give a short prayer, grace or blessing of thanks to God . Here's mine.

Screw God, I'm thanking the Turkey. When he said "this is my flesh," he wasn't fucking around.

Or if you're classy, my Thanksgiving Unprayer:

On this day,
when Earth tilts away from the Sun
and the world lies dormant,
it's appropriate to pause for a moment
and express appreciation for all that we have.

To express awe and reverence for the
nuclear furnace that formed this planet from interstellar dust,
the natural processes that organized its elements
into the carbon we are made of, and water,
that enables life to exist, to reproduce itself,
to be mobile, and conscious,
so we are able to appreciate our good fortune.

To thank our predecessors who
developed eyes to see the sunrise,
ears to hear music,
brains to understand
and a society to share all this.

Thank our fellow beings,
who share this earth
and who produce the oxygen we breathe,
the food we eat, the medicines we need,
and provide us with companionship.

Thank our ancestors who
freed us from superstition,
learned about the world
and passed on their knowledge
so that we enjoy the luxuries of our modern lives.

On a personal level, we thank
our parents for bringing us into this world,
and those who are here to share this day with us,
and not least, this fellow creature,
who gave up its life
so that we might continue on
in this great cycle we celebrate.

Socialism is Coming

Any place where political parties run ads like this sure beats hell out of this place. We should have a Socialist Party. I'll bring the tea beer.



Maybe someone can explain how this is an attack on women?

Funniest complaint: when equality Minister Bibiana Aido called it "a misleading advert". It could lead people to believe ... oh, never mind.

Funniest comment: "I'll vote what she's voting."

Bear Buffalo Bear

Bear bear bear.

Of course they do. They don't give birth to buffalo, now do they? They give birth to little baby bruins, and the baby bear they gave birth to grow up and bear little bruins themselves. In other words, bruins that bruins bear, bear other bruins. Or, to not waste words,

Bear bear bear, bear bear.

They run around naked, too, so you could say

Bare bear bare bear bear bare, bear bare bear bare.

When you say this out loud you've got ten, which is two more than that famous Buffalo sentence.

Bear with me now, these aren't wild bears, they belong to the Baer family, and that lets us put in three more, but it's hard to figure out exactly where to stick them:
Bare bear bare bear bear bare, bear bare bear bare. That is to say:
Naked bruins (that) (other) naked bruins gave birth to as naked cubs, give birth to (other) nude bruins (that are) naked. The ones in bold are the ones that belong to the Baers, so

Bare Baer bear bare Baer bear bear bare, bear bare Baer bear bare.

That's thirteen, but the Baers run a huge ranch with two bear compounds, one at Mount Stetson and the other in—you guessed it—the Behr valley. There are Stetson Baer bear and Behr Valley Baer bear. Now, the Smiths also raise bears in Behr valley, so when you talk about Behr Valley bear, you have to specify if you mean the Smith's Behr bear, or the Baer Behr bear. Of course, we're not talking about the Smiths, so we mean

Bare Baer Behr bear bare Baer Behr bear bear bare, bear bare Baer Behr bear bare.

That's grammatically correct, but it bears repeating that it's a bear of a sentence. I hope it's not too much to bear.

Quote of the Week

Newly elected state Rep. Dan Flynn(R-Godistan) wants to put the Ten Commandments in every classroom.  Nameless Cynic had this to say.

This comes up at least a couple of times a year, as some thoughtless theocrat tries to commit religious bukkake and squirt his personal theology in the faces of everybody around them.

From Leader to Laughingstock

"Would you prefer cancer or sexual assault with that?"

Even the Chinese are laughing at us.

Speak of the Devil

The Catholic church is being overwhelmed, they say, with “requests from people who fear they are possessed by the Devil”. Seriously. Last week they had a big meeting to help priests, they say, “distinguish who really needs an exorcism from who really needs a psychiatrist”.

That should be pretty easy. Like say, distinguishing fish that really need bicycles.

“What they’re trying to do”, they say, “is to strengthen and enhance what seems to be lost in the church”. 

...the Rack, Iron Maiden, Thumbscrews?

Pope Benedict, who spent 24 years heading the Holy Office of the Inquisition (name  changed by P.R. dept) “has emphasized a return to traditional rituals and practices, and some observers said the bishops’ interest in exorcism was consistent with the direction set by the pope.”

That adds. He was just in Spain, pining for the good old days. The guidelines for exorcism were written in 1614 (!), so you know he had plenty of fapping fodder until they took out all the tortures and killings in 1999.  He's got them to reauthorize the Latin Mass, retranslate their prayers, now it's exorcisms; next up, burning at the stake.

“the church is not like any other institution”, they say, “It is supernatural ...We deal with angels and demons.”

and little kids, and your money, they don't say. 

 

The priest doesn’t have the magic power,” they say, it comes “from the power of Jesus’ name”.

 The magic power of Jebus, LOL! Jesus is magic.

But watch out, “there are hucksters who prey on vulnerable believers,” they say, and “exorcists are not eager to be identified”. Those are two separate quotes but they shouldn't be.

Not to worry, “The Devil doesn’t normally possess someone who is leading a good spiritual life.”

Only Catholics.

Stand Up for What's Right

the Dildo Threat

Security forces worldwide are having to deal with a new threat in the ongoing War Against Not Keeping Us Safe (WANK US), following a rash of incidents involving a weapon not previously employed by terrorists. That's right—dildos.

A man in Australia attacked a cop by hitting him upside the head 'with a sex toy'. This new tactic soon spread to Chicago, where a cop, during social intercourse with a woman suspect, 'was beaten with' a 'device for female pleasure'. Sounds pretty bad, hmm? To see how bad, this video of a German perpetrator will make it impossible for any good patriot to keep a straight face.



In a possibly related incident, someone threw one at Adam Lambert, and you can see it here. That man knows how to handle a dildo. In an ominous escalation, Garry Kasparov was attacked with a flying dildo.

Speaking of dildos, no news story in the world could possibly top this one. I mean, seriously, wtFUCK?!!!

Monsters!

I'm crying as I write this. You'll see why, but first—Monsters! Scary Monsters! RARRRGHR! That's what our little boy here says, he holds his eighteen-month-old arms straight out with clawly hands, and makes that monster sound, and the squee factor is just off the charts. If you act scared and run, or monster him back, he just laughs and laughs and laughs, and there just ain't no laughs like baby laughs.

Here's another little boy who likes monsters, little Aidan, he likes to draw them. Already he's got hundreds of pictures of monsters, and he's only five years old. So that's really cute, but the thing is, he's also got the same disease that killed my little boy when he was two years younger: leukemia. My son went through hell, and then died, because there was no cure for it at the time, but now there's a good chance little Aidan can live.

This shit's expensive. In today's money, we ran up bills close to a million dollars. Aidan's family was facing the same thing and they came up with a fantastic solution: the monsters! They put Aidan's drawings up for sale—and the really good part—people bought them, so many people the little guy earned a lot of money, enough to pay for all his cancer treatment so far! That's just amazing.

There's a blog here, that I can't stand to read, but you can go there and get the details along with lots of cute pictures and uplifting stories.

I love that a little kid can earn stuff for himself as much as I hate that it has to go for a thing like this. They're not out of the woods yet. There'll be more treatments, and more expenses, and more of oh god things I don't even want to think about, and I so so so hope at the end a happy, healthy, living, little boy.

What do you think? Wouldn't one of these monsters look good hanging in a frame on your wall?

The Price of Pigs

Looking up this possessed by demons business, I got back to the famous pig murders Mark and Matt tell about.

The pigs were murdered by Jesus and some demons, who seem to be parasitic vampires, because they can't just go away, they need a living host to feed on. And they're really stupid, since for their new hosts they asked for pigs: pigs who immediately ran into the sea and died, which would leave the demons without a host again, flying around looking for new people to infest, like for instance the guy/s dumb old Jesus just drove them out of.

M & M don't agree on whether it was one guy or two, or how many pigs. Matt just says a herd, but Mark tells you there were two thousand pigs.

Just. Hold. It.

Who'd those pigs belong to? Wasn't Jesus. His followers may act like pigs, but even they call him a shepherd, not a pig farmer.

Also, they weren't wild. With a herd of wild pigs around, you have more to worry about than some measly demon. Somebody owned those pigs. Livestock would cost about the same whenever, in relative terms, so I googled how much it costs to buy a pig nowadays. I got this:

“The average cost to bribe a police officer is unknown”

Not much help. A little rooting, and it turns out, unless it's a purebred Curlycoat or some such, a regular pig goes for about a hundred bucks. 2000 of them--that herd of pigs was worth two hundred thousand dollars!

$200,000.00

Let's recap. Jesus fucked over some farmer for 200 grand, because a demon asked him to. The moral of this story is what again?

You gotta laugh at the last line:

(Mark 5:17) And they began to pray him to depart

LOL---I bet they did.

If god is omnipotent

... could he create a sin that was so bad even he couldn't forgive it?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Gabriel hates my friends

A lot of my friends are mute. When you can't hear, you have no way to know if you are pronouncing things right when you talk (you won't be), so if you just don't talk it might be better for everybody. We'll all use sign language and things'll be a lot more peaceful, no problems.

But down comes the angel Gabriel and screws things up again. He makes Zechariah mute for showing a lick of common sense by asking how his 70-year-old wife is going to have a baby doubting god. And somehow everybody knew this. 

(Luke 1):21 Meanwhile, the people were waiting for Zechariah and wondering why he stayed so long in the temple. 22 When he came out, he could not speak to them. They realized he had seen a vision in the temple, for he kept making signs to them but remained unable to speak.

He gets his voice back in verse 62-64, but till he does he has to write things down, so don't think this means actual sign language. If it did, he'd've flat out told them

“That fucking angel Gabriel was in there and the sumbitch put a spell on me so I can't talk anymore.”

In this story he didn't do that so they had to figure it out for themselves: hmmm, he can't talk, so he must have seen a vision and god is punishing him for some horrible sin. Stands to reason doesn't it?

Hell, no, it doesn't, but that hasn't stopped god addicts from kicking mute people around. Matthew pissed me off back when it said a guy couldn't talk because he was possessed. People always say stupid shit like that. They don't say deaf and bilingual, they say deaf and dumb. As in “The PhD who teaches Neurolinguistics of ASL is dumb”. Buncha damn audists.

Y'know, I've met a lot of deaf people, and it never once occurred to me to ask, “hey, how's your demon treating ya?” I was just nice cuz I'm one of those atheists who don't have any basis for morality; if I'd been all godly and holy I would have kicked the shit out of them like they deserved, the miserable sinners.

At least according to the angel Gabriel. I swear, all that guy does is cause trouble. Not just this either—going down to that two-bit preacher in Arabia and dictating the entire fucking Koran? Totally uncalled for. What a jerk. 
 

Funny

I don't know a thing about football, but this cracks me up.

hat tip: Dependable Renegade

Story here.

Luke vs Matt & Mark

Whoever wrote this 'Luke' section of the bible sure is better than those other hacks. This guy even has an introduction, says it's the straight dope on what was handed down by the eyewitnesses. That sure beats starting out with two pages of 'begats'.

He writes better too, with adjectives, and character development, so you can actually read this—as opposed to trudging through it with a bottle of scotch after tying yourself to a chair.

He kind of overdoes it, his characters keep bursting into song like West Side Story. Most of page 125 is Mary erupting with a speech about how her Lord is the greatest, bestest, awesomest, most ass-kickingest, do-goodingest dude EVER; then two pages later Zech goes off for twelve verses how god is gonna kick ass and take names, and his new baby's gonna be Da Man. It doesn't make much sense, but

you know it's important because it has wider margins.

Outside of that, it raises ghosts. Some lines, like “there were shepherds ... keeping watch over their flocks ...” gave me cold chills and memories of my Catholic upbringing, that I've tried hard to forget (Thanks, Luke) but it makes sense they'd quote this guy instead of the hacks. All in all, Luke looks promising.

Do I Look Tough?

No dude, you look gay. Really gay. And the sooner you realize there's nothing wrong with that and stop trying to compensate, the better off you'll be and the whole rest of the world.

 -----

Short, insecure, repressed homophobe Lindsey Graham masturbated his ego at the Halifax Security Forum last Saturday with these gems (Dawg's Blog gives the whole thing):

“The one thing that changes the world as I know it is Iran with a nuclear weapon”

In the world the rest of us know, it's sawed off little twerps who need to show the world how tough they are by picking on gays, stomping on women, starting wars.

“the idea of containment to me is off the table, so that takes us back to the idea of being tough.”

No, that takes us back to the idea that you're an asshole, unlike sane people, who aren't all turgid for Ragnarok like you are.

“So my view of military force would be not to just neutralize their nuclear program, which would probably disperse and harden, but to sink their navy, destroy their air force, and deliver a decisive blow to the Revolutionary Guard.”

Limpsey dear, nobody else wants to blow the Revolutionary Guards, no matter how much they harden.

“In other words - neuter that regime, destroy their ability to fight back, and hope the people within Iran would have the chance to take back their government and be good neighbours to the world in the future. So that's what I mean by being tough."

In other words, you mean “insane”. Repeat Iraq and Afghanistan and hope things will turn out different. Great plan there: stupidity, sauteed in the hypocrisy of talking about being good neighbors in a sentence that plans genocide. Also, "neuter" them? Freud called, he wants his slip back. Also his fake boobs and butt plug.

Seriously, Fabulous Miss Lindsey, stop trying to be a tough, rough, manly man. It's not because you're gay that we hate you, it's because you're an asshole. Even if you were tough, we'd like you better if you didn't persecute and murder people.

International Crime Lord Targets Spain

The King of the Vatican is visiting Spain this weekend, and nobody likes it. There will be [more]  protests. There will   will be  has already been rioting in the streets.  There will be kissing. 

In the spirit of celebrating this joyous photo op, here are a few pictures humbly offered in tribute to The Holy F****er.^note

^note: 'do not call anyone on
earth "father",' (Matthew 23:9)

Also, here are
the funniest pope protest signs,
 so far anyway.     

Awesome People do Awesome Thing

"That money that we won was nothing," couple says after giving away $11,000,000.00 jackpot. "We have each other."



Jeez. I'm all jealous and shit. Story is here.

hat tip to Council of Lemurs

Church Kicks Jesus Out

LOL!  only the 2nd time in 22 years, though; and Lutherans, not crazy evangelical baptists like you'd expect.  Just goes to show .... something ...not sure what. 

The Gospel of Weed

This is such a weird book. I just finished reading Mark. Boy, what a letdown—it was a fifty page summary of Matthew. So I was pumped for something new and interesting. Woot! I got it!

I turned the page and, there in great big letters is just one word: 

LUKE

I dunno what that means, but Google Translate has my back. Turns out it's the Norwegian word for weed. There's nothing to say who wrote it or why it's changing the subject, but I can't wait to see what it has to say about weed, or Proposition 19, or why it's suddenly speaking Norwegian.

Jesus had HIV?

According to South African Pastor Xola Skosana “Jesus was HIV-positive,"

Lol. Not really,

 "Of course, there's no scientific evidence that Jesus had the HI virus in his bloodstream,”

See? It's just a metaphor. He wants to fight AIDS, and he's saying the the big JC always hung with the down and out, and girlfriend, you can't get much more down and out than dying of AIDs in Africa, so if Jesus was here now, that's where he'd be—helping AIDs victims.

"The best gift we can give to people who are HIV-positive is to help de-stigmatise Aids and ..."

Preach it, pastor!

"...it is not enough for us to give people food privately and give them groceries, we must create an environment that's empowering because most people who are HIV-positive will not necessarily die of Aids-related sickness but more of a broken heart, out of rejection,"

http://www.beckijayne.com/pages/crucifixion.html

After this past week you might say the same thing about people who are gay. It's not god that's the problem, it's his idiot followers. Like this other pastor, Mike Bele of the Church of Sanctimonious Pricks:
"The subject of my Jesus being HIV-positive is a scathing matter," he says, displaying his ownership papers for his Jesus, which he bought for thirty pieces of silver. He says Skosana is dragging “the name of Christ to the ground." and that "portraying Jesus as HIV-positive means he becomes part of the problem, not the solution." Kettle, Pot. Pot, Kettle.

Major props to this Skosana guy.

'Little green people' is a racial slur

WTF?

Seriously, wtf, is this real? 

Feminization

Goatse of the Year Bryan Fischer complains that the Medal of Honor has been feminized. How exactly was that done, I wondered. Do the medals have little genitals, so you can go in and do a sex change operation? How do you sex a medal in the first place? Not being sure, I did some research, and LOOK WHAT I FOUND!!!111ll!11

That's the Air Force version up there.  The army one has a picture of Minerva on it--another Woman! And the Navy one, OMManlyG, it has a picture of Minerva too, and she's kicking some man's ass. A woman. Beating a man! The Horror! The Horror!!

"Two figures appeared on the inverted five-point star, Discord and Minerva, the goddess who represented both war and the ancient wisdom of the Athenian democracy. On the Medal of Honor, Minerva defends herself with a shield of stars and stripes while she holds for attack an axe in a fasces, a collection of tightly bound sticks that, for the Romans, symbolized authority through unity and singularity of purpose. By contrast, her opponent, Discord, is armed only with writhing serpents."

---Mikaelian, Allen and Wallace, Mike. Medal of Honor: Profiles of America's
Military Heroes from the Civil War to the Present. Hyperion 2002. 

This is kind of interesting, and that noise you hear in the background is Mr. Goatse screaming why would those manly military man's men put such an unmanly thing on their manly medal?  I think there's more to this being a hero gig than he will ever understand.    

The Postscript of Mark

My bible has this little note

[the most reliable early manuscripts omit Mark 16:9-20]

so that's just great, I mean, is it the Word Of Gawd, or isn't it? You'd think you'd be able to tell. God's words oughta be better than words from just some schmuck, maybe make sense, or be in all caps or something. How are you spozed to know? Anyway, here are maybe-god's-words.

  Mark 16:9 When Jesus rose early [about 6:30]on the first day of the week, … I can't halp it, that just cracks me up. ... he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, but nobody'd believe her, they just made PMS jokes, and told her to make coffee.

   12 Afterward Jesus appeared in a different form [possibly a waffle] to two of them ... but they did not believe them either.
What the hell? They're trying to convince me that he rose from the dead, by saying his own damn groupies wouldn't buy it? FAIL.


Next he crashes their dinner, bitches them all out, and tells them to go preach. And get this, remember back in Matt16:4/Mark 8:12, what Jesus said? No signs. They were bugging him for a sign, and he got all pissy and flat out told them, ain't gonna be no signs. Now look what he says, the big fibber.

snake-charming-pastor-got-bit-by-the-law/

17 And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues;
18 they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”
20 Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked with them and confirmed his word by the signs that accompanied it.

Wow, no wonder they didn't want this in their book. Aside from making JC out to be a liar, it's a testable hypothesis, yo,—any preacher is a fake if drinking poison kills him.
This is fantastic! We need to adopt this policy Stat, make chugging a pint of cyanide a requirement for a preaching license. That would solve so many problems.

Fuck the USA

The CSPA is a law against human trafficking. Section 404(a) says

… none of the funds ... may be issued to the government of a country … that recruit and use child soldiers.

Last Monday , Obama declared

" ... it is in the national interest of the United States to waive ... 404(a) of the CSPA.

IOW it's in the US interest to pay for enslaving children to fight wars. The same day it served the US interest to torture a child into confessing to crimes. I keep asking myself, is there some level of depravity our elected officials won't sink to, and they keep showing me: No, there isn't. 

Obama specifically identified Chad, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Sudan, and Yemen”, all among the worst countries that are enslaving children to be soldiers, and he supports this.

Take Yemen. “We” are planning to give 1.2 billion dollars--that's twelve hundred million--to a country with 23 million people. That's 52 million dollars for every man woman and child over there! We could give each of them a college education, a fancy mansion and a salary for life. Instead “we” give machine guns to their kids.

Well fuck you Obama, for signing this, and for claiming to represent MY interests when you did it. Just who is this “United States” who wants to torture and kill children? It ain't me. It ain't anyone I know. It's not in my interest to send children to war. If that is what serves the interest of the “United States”, then I am not part of the “United States”, and I don't want to be part of it.

If the United States' interests are to enslave, torture and kill children, then fuck the United States.