My bible has this little note
[the most reliable early manuscripts omit Mark 16:9-20]
so that's just great, I mean, is it the Word Of Gawd, or isn't it? You'd think you'd be able to tell. God's words oughta be better than words from just some schmuck, maybe make sense, or be in all caps or something. How are you spozed to know? Anyway, here are maybe-god's-words.
Mark 16:9 When Jesus rose early [about 6:30]on the first day of the week, … I can't halp it, that just cracks me up. ... he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, but nobody'd believe her, they just made PMS jokes, and told her to make coffee.
12 Afterward Jesus appeared in a different form [possibly a waffle] to two of them ... but they did not believe them either.
What the hell? They're trying to convince me that he rose from the dead, by saying his own damn groupies wouldn't buy it? FAIL.
Next he crashes their dinner, bitches them all out, and tells them to go preach. And get this, remember back in Matt16:4/Mark 8:12, what Jesus said? No signs. They were bugging him for a sign, and he got all pissy and flat out told them, ain't gonna be no signs. Now look what he says, the big fibber.
Mark 16:9 When Jesus rose early [about 6:30]on the first day of the week, … I can't halp it, that just cracks me up. ... he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, but nobody'd believe her, they just made PMS jokes, and told her to make coffee.
12 Afterward Jesus appeared in a different form [possibly a waffle] to two of them ... but they did not believe them either.
What the hell? They're trying to convince me that he rose from the dead, by saying his own damn groupies wouldn't buy it? FAIL.
Next he crashes their dinner, bitches them all out, and tells them to go preach. And get this, remember back in Matt16:4/Mark 8:12, what Jesus said? No signs. They were bugging him for a sign, and he got all pissy and flat out told them, ain't gonna be no signs. Now look what he says, the big fibber.
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17 And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues;
18 they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”
20 Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked with them and confirmed his word by the signs that accompanied it.
Wow, no wonder they didn't want this in their book. Aside from making JC out to be a liar, it's a testable hypothesis, yo,—any preacher is a fake if drinking poison kills him.
This is fantastic! We need to adopt this policy Stat, make chugging a pint of cyanide a requirement for a preaching license. That would solve so many problems.
18 they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”
20 Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked with them and confirmed his word by the signs that accompanied it.
Wow, no wonder they didn't want this in their book. Aside from making JC out to be a liar, it's a testable hypothesis, yo,—any preacher is a fake if drinking poison kills him.
This is fantastic! We need to adopt this policy Stat, make chugging a pint of cyanide a requirement for a preaching license. That would solve so many problems.
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