Speak of the Devil

The Catholic church is being overwhelmed, they say, with “requests from people who fear they are possessed by the Devil”. Seriously. Last week they had a big meeting to help priests, they say, “distinguish who really needs an exorcism from who really needs a psychiatrist”.

That should be pretty easy. Like say, distinguishing fish that really need bicycles.

“What they’re trying to do”, they say, “is to strengthen and enhance what seems to be lost in the church”. 

...the Rack, Iron Maiden, Thumbscrews?

Pope Benedict, who spent 24 years heading the Holy Office of the Inquisition (name  changed by P.R. dept) “has emphasized a return to traditional rituals and practices, and some observers said the bishops’ interest in exorcism was consistent with the direction set by the pope.”

That adds. He was just in Spain, pining for the good old days. The guidelines for exorcism were written in 1614 (!), so you know he had plenty of fapping fodder until they took out all the tortures and killings in 1999.  He's got them to reauthorize the Latin Mass, retranslate their prayers, now it's exorcisms; next up, burning at the stake.

“the church is not like any other institution”, they say, “It is supernatural ...We deal with angels and demons.”

and little kids, and your money, they don't say. 

 

The priest doesn’t have the magic power,” they say, it comes “from the power of Jesus’ name”.

 The magic power of Jebus, LOL! Jesus is magic.

But watch out, “there are hucksters who prey on vulnerable believers,” they say, and “exorcists are not eager to be identified”. Those are two separate quotes but they shouldn't be.

Not to worry, “The Devil doesn’t normally possess someone who is leading a good spiritual life.”

Only Catholics.