Security forces worldwide are having to deal with a new threat in the ongoing War Against Not Keeping Us Safe (WANK US), following a rash of incidents involving a weapon not previously employed by terrorists. That's right—dildos.
A man in Australia attacked a cop by hitting him upside the head 'with a sex toy'. This new tactic soon spread to Chicago, where a cop, during social intercourse with a woman suspect, 'was beaten with' a 'device for female pleasure'. Sounds pretty bad, hmm? To see how bad, this video of a German perpetrator will make it impossible for any good patriot to keep a straight face.
In a possibly related incident, someone threw one at Adam Lambert, and you can see it here. That man knows how to handle a dildo. In an ominous escalation, Garry Kasparov was attacked with a flying dildo.
Speaking of dildos, no news story in the world could possibly top this one. I mean, seriously, wtFUCK?!!!
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