the right way to rub homosexuals

Bill Donohue, W.L.B.**, adding to his file of aphasic writing samples entitled "Latest Press Releases", once again provides a quote that will live in the anus of history, to wit,

We know one thing for sure. The heightened sensitivity in Hollywood over rubbing homosexuals the wrong way is at an all-time high.

This, no doubt, is a serious problem, and the question must be asked: What then, is the right way to rub homosexuals?

In the interest of lubricating social intercourse everywhere, we asked certified homosexual Joy S. Beaver if she could give us a hand with this job. She gaily explained that it is often hard, but one must come to grips with the thing to avoid frustration, even if it is hard to swallow.

As we relaxed on the carpet munching ladyfingers, she exposed what the Homosexual Agenda calls for: a sort of circular up and down motion.

Skillfully demonstrating this on Mike Hunt, her assistant, she spread out for us how knots in one's panties inhibit the experience, leaving a person to relieve their frustration by writing stupid press releases. This was the climax of the interview, and left us satisfied that she has put her finger on the problem.

So, Bill, in the refractory period after this latest ejaculation of yours, rest assured that this sensitivity is not overly heightened, and actors and actresses will continue to have the 'positive response' that you found so worrisome. We've got things in hand.

**Whiny Little Bitch


Margarita del Norte said...

Forgive me, I doubted if this was an actual quote, so I looked it up. And there it is, the Catholic League complaining that gays are a demographically protected group and Catholics are not. I did not know that, and I think it's just shameful that Catholics cannot marry or serve openly in the military in the US.

uzza said...

Never doubt anything you hear from down here just because it sounds crazy.

Letting Catholics marry? What would that lead to? It would be like letting rabbits marry.