Chapter 3, line 7, some verses are allegorical. Huh????
3:7 He has sent down this Book which contains some verses that are categorical and basic to the Book, and others allegorical ...
Whoa, whoa, whoa. JUST HOLD IT RIGHT THERE. Some are allegorical?
Jesus Christ, it wasn't bad enough that some of them are abrogated, and you don't know which ones, or know what they might be replaced by, now I find out that even if I get lucky and guess the right one, it still might be just an allegory?
Yup. That's right. See?
... But those who are twisted of mind look for verses metaphorical, seeking deviation and giving to them interpretations of their own;
The shit? My twisted mind is looking for the ones that aren't motherfucking metaphors, AND YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME, you fucker. So I might should do what it says, because I'll burn in hell if I don't, unless it's abrogated, or an allergy. Well what are they allergories FOR? No one knows, only god. See, it says flat out
FFS, how much more clear can you make it? Some of your instructions DON'T MEAN A GODDAM THING, and there's NO WAY TO TELL IF THEY DO OR NOT. Sorry to shout, but Christ on a rubber crutch, did you sit around brainstorming ways to make this book totally fucking useless? You couldn't have done better.
Way I see it you got five possibilities here, so old Allah's giving you a 20% chance of doing what he wants, no matter what you do. Shit, sheer random chance gives you 50-50 odds. Just do whatever the fuck you want and you'll have a better chance of getting to heaven than this Koran shit gives you. You'll improve the odds by 30% and eat bacon while you're at it. Jeezuz!