Some minor crazy from chapter 33

[33:9] O you who believe, remember GOD's blessing upon you; when soldiers attacked you, we sent upon them violent wind and invisible soldiers. GOD is Seer of everything you do.

ROFL. People believe this shit? Invisible soldiers! Were they on invisible bicycles, too? Were they kittehs? Wif big scary teef and clawz? FEERSSS! GRRAOWL!

These aren't the first invisible soldiers we've seen. Well, not 'seen' exactly since they're invisible, and figments of Mohammed's imagination to boot, but heard of. Invisible figments, they get +2 Invisibility. The giggling started back in chapter 8 when he was splitting up the loot from the Battle of Badder, he told his peeps

8:9 Remember ye implored the assistance of your Lord, and He answered you: "I will assist you with a thousand of the angels, ranks on ranks."

Go, Dude! Don't worry, I've got your back. Well, not me really, but some figments. Invisible figments. Lots of them. Like, a thousand. When he mentions it again in the very next chapter there's even more.

3:124. Remember when you said to the faithful: "Is it not sufficient that your Lord should send for your help three thousand angels from the heavens?
3:125. Indeed if you are patient and take heed for yourselves, and the (enemy) come rushing at you suddenly your Lord will send even five thousand angels on chargers sweeping down."

One thousand, three thousand, five thousand, do I hear ten thousand? Lol, it grows with the telling. Poor Allah must be busting his ass up there rewriting his guarded tablet every time somebody retells this story. Let's see, it's been 14 centuries, by now I bet there's a bazillion bazagamillion angels. On chargers. Invisible ponies too.

Don't forget the LOOT!

[33:25] GOD repulsed those who disbelieved with their rage, and they left empty-handed. ...
[33:26] He also brought down their allies among the people of the scripture from their secure positions, and threw terror into their hearts. Some of them you killed, and some you took captive.
[33:27] He made you inherit their land, their homes, their money, and lands you had never stepped on. ...

Bling, Bling. There we go again with the loot. Loot fascinates this guy. Ethics, like whether it's moral to kill people and take them captive and steal all their stuff, not so much. I'm just saying. He's got such a hard-on for booty he wrote—oh excuse me—god revealed to him—a whole chapter on how to divide it up. Here's an idea: use all that money to help the refugees and survivors. You know, the ones you're taking captive and selling for ransom? Those.

[33:72] We have offered the responsibility (freedom of choice) to the heavens and the earth, and the mountains, but they refused to bear it, and were afraid of it. But the human being accepted it; he was transgressing, ignorant.

ROFL. The mountains are afraid! Those scaredy-cat mountains, they never do anything. They just sit there, being all big and stuff. I ain't skeered of no mountains. I'll ride my invisible pony right up on them. GROAAWR!  .


PersonalFailure said...

Oh, yeah? I've got 1,000,000,000,000 invisible angels right here at my desk- dancing on the lid of my Dunkin' Donuts coffee.

(I tried to get them to dance on the head of a pin, but they said that was so last century.)

Joé McKen said...

Damn your foresight, PF! Now I can’t use the clever little joke I had planned to full effect.

Baal's Bum said...

Perhaps they wern't really invisible just camalflaged

uzza said...

Camelflaged! ROFL! I didn't get it right off.

PF--that's a quadrillion, I think?

Joe--that thing's cool but I couldn't get it to work.(

Joé McKen said...

Dang. What about it isn’t working?

(PS – Ask it, “who are you?”, “Who am I?”, “What is the speed of an unladen swallow?”, and the likes. Dis ting is gold.)