Nookie! (and beekeepers)

Merely More Major Misogyny from chapter 33:

[33:50] O prophet, we made lawful for you your wives to whom you have paid their due dowry, [that's the four or five he already had, including 6 year old Aisha] or what you already have, as granted to you by GOD [that means the slavegirls. I dunno how many, but it seems like enough]. Also lawful for you in marriage are (your 1^st cousins) which includes Zainab. Convenient, huh?]. Also, if a believing woman gave herself to the prophet [they're throwing their panties on the stage, they are]- by forfeiting the dowry - the prophet may marry her without a dowry, if he so wishes [prophets don't pay for no pussy]. However, her forfeiting of the dowry applies only to the prophet, and not to the other believers.[don't be getting uppity, bitches!] We have already decreed their rights in regard to their spouses or what they already have. This is to spare you any embarrassment [for your sluttiness].

There's also an advice column: Mo's Muddled Marital Musings:

[33:59] O prophet, tell your wives, your daughters, and the wives of the believers that they shall lengthen their garments.Thus, they will be recognized (as righteous women) and avoid being insulted.

Here's an idea. When you see a woman in a short skirt, DON'T INSULT HER. If she's not righteous, DON'T INSULT HER. You'll be surprised how much better life is when you're not an asshole.

[33:53] ... the prophet ... If you have to ask his wives for something, ask them from behind a barrier. This is purer for your hearts and their hearts. You are not to hurt the messenger of GOD. You shall not marry his wives after him, for this would be a gross offense in the sight of GOD. [wtf's that all about?]

[033:055]  There is no blame on them in respect of their fathers, nor their brothers, nor their brothers' sons, nor their sisters' sons nor their own women, nor of what their right hands possess;

??? respect of doing what? Translations are, 'speak freely', 'appear before them', 'speak unveiled', 'touching', 'relax their dress code'. I didn't see one that said “pick their nose” but it seems to fit as well.

That's it. Two verses—lengthen your garments and don't pick your nose—and they put half the population into beekeeper suits. Go figure.