the Dumbest Plea ever Pled (mat 26-7)

Torture was part of my childhood. I wasn't being tortured, I went to catholic school, plus I had to listen to all my mom's stories. The plots were pretty thin: somebody, who was a saint and all holy y'unnerstand, wouldn't give up their faith, and so [ horrible, graphic, midevil torture. blood. screaming. pain. death. ] The end.

The moral, I guess, was that oh fuck I still don't know. Picture it like this: Saint Sufferina says she's a christian so they beat the shit out of her, and then ask her if she's still one, and she says yes, (!!!) so they cut off her  toes and nose and tongue, and ask her again, and she still says yes, so they they tie horses to her arms and legs and pull her into four pieces, still yes, they burn her at the stake, (yes), then they gather up her ashes (still yes) and torture every single individual ash, and she still says yes. The moral I learned from all this was:

The Christain saints were incredibly dedicated to God

were incredibly fucking stupid.

These stories are bullshit.

With a little waterboarding any human being will ask for a consecrated host to sodomize Jesus with, so don't expect me to believe this all they had to do was stop being christains and the thumbscrews would come off. And anyway what kind of stories are these to be telling little kids?

“OK, little Johnny, Pooh Bear was locked into the Iron Maiden, and a fire ….. '

Naw, doesn't work. What if Dr. Suess was Catholic?

“I do not like your Spanish Pear.
I do not like it here or there,
I do not like it anywhere.”

Yeah, I knew what a Pear was, I could describe everything on this list. Dr. Spock would not approve.

My point? Oh, yeah. In Matthew I'm up to where Judas hangs hisself, Big J prays in the garden, gets busted, taken to the High Priests, and … here we go ...

he says he's the king of the Jews (26:63-64). Then he says it again to the governor (27:11).

This has got to be the dumbest plea ever pled in a courtroom. He's just as dumb as Saint Sufferina.

The rest is predictable: beatings, torture, blood, yada yada yada. The crown of thorns bit is a creative twist, but I'm jaded, I can't see this as worse than what lots of saints went through. Plus, there's that little devil on my shoulder saying none of this would've happened if the dumb shit had just entered a not guilty plea.

I'm willing to accept that there probably was a historical Jesus, he was some preacher, The Man fucked him up, and his cultists made him all famous. But he was God? Come on. He didn't even claim to be god like respectable cult leader always do just before they start porking the teens. He died for my sins? Now you're not even being coherent.

The moron pled guilty. He was dumb. And christians like to feel martyred. End of story.