Jesus Envy

Chapter 19

1. There was this old guy Zachariah, who prayed for an heir. An angel told him he'd have a son named John, and he asked for a sign, so the angel told him he wouldn't talk to anyone for three days, so he didn't. And John was a good kid.

16 An angel came to Mary and raped her told her she'd have a son. She gave birth by a stream, under a date tree, and the baby told her not to talk to anyone that day. She brought the baby home, people called her a slut, she pointed at the baby, and he told them; “I is a prophet!”. He wasn't God's son, and you'll go to hell for saying he was.

40 Abraham accused his father of devil worship, and got thrown out. Him and his sons Isaac and Jacob were all prophets; also Moses, his brother Aaron, and Ishmael, and Enoch, all prophets. Those who believe them will go to heaven. People that don't will go to hell, including anybody who says god had a son.

The end.

Well, no, Tolkien it ain't. These are garbled up versions of Bible stories that the koran is verifiying by contradicting them. A lot of dissing the christians for saying Jesus is god. It's even got baby jesus himself saying he's only a prophet (19), although he never actually says who his father is. God says it "is easy for him" (21), and says the kid will be a blessing from “us”, aka “god” (21), and she says no man has ever touched her (20), so it's pretty clear that god is the father. BUT, Christian talk like that would split the earth asunder (90), it's so awful. A big problem for Mo, who was too dumb to see the obvious way out. If any other book said an angel came and “bestowed a son on her” (line 19), you'd flunk Literary Analysis for thinking the angel wasn't the father, but hey look unicorns.

It sounds like the christians were giving Mo grief and making him envy Jesus. You can just picture it. Mo comes to the door in his best suit, knocks, and some christians let him in. Mo gives his pitch, and they laugh at him because Jesus is their personal savior, and Jesus is God and mo's just a measly prophet. They throw him out, and Mo stomps off down the sidewalk muttering to himself,

“Shit, I wish I'd thought of that before. I thought being a prophet was a good angle. I shoulda been thinking big. I should have said I was god. It worked for jesus. Sounds way better. Too late now, I already told everybody I'm just a prophet. That goddamn jesus is messing up my scam. I better have a revelation that says he's a goddamn phony. God'll say prophets are FTW. That's what I'll do. Fucken christians.”