Still More Sura 35

Verse (9), or (8) or whatever it is, says: "God leads whosoever He please astray and guides whosoever He will". This verse develops the idea that god does whatever he damn well pleases, evil or good, and there is nothing you can do about it, sucker. The idea was introduced in line 2, so why isn't this up there with line 2? Where is god's editor?

The koran repeats this idea over and over without ever realizing that it makes the koran and islam both completely pointless, since following them has no effect on what god does. You're the bestest Muzzie that ever ever lived? Doesn't matter—god'll send you to hell if he feels like it. You're one of us blaspheming infidel satan-worshippers? Doesn't matter—god'll forgive you if he feels like it. Whether you end up in heaven or hell doesn't depend on you, it depends on god's mood swings.

It's said this before. In fact it repeats this same idea about a zibillion times. If god had an editor, they'd probably recommend that he say things once and then use acronyms for subsequent mention. The Koran has its own acronyms—Korancronyms! This one is WIFL, for god saying “I'll do Whatever I Feel Like”. We could make the koran about 50% shorter by using korancronyms instead of giving the whole standard sermon every time an idea comes up. The rest of the chapter =

... WIFL, verse 9, 10&11, GWFYU, PAP, TIT, WIFL, GWFYU, IKE, GHGS, YGS, ejaculations, TIT, verse 43, GWFYU.

See how easier it makes it? I've added a handy chart over on the sidebar. Clicky.