Koran Ten Commandments

I found something good in the Koran! It's like finding water in the desert, or one last beer in the back of the fridge. As soon as Sura 17 gets the Jews settled on their real estate, it starts rattling off a list of do and don'ts, almost like Mo was repeating the ten commandments. It starts out with the same old tired “don't worship anybody but me me me” crap, but mentioning that's in the koran is like saying there's air, so I left that one off and I shortened up the others so they''re more readable.

23 be good to your parents
26 don't be a spendthrift
29 don't be a tightwad
31 take care of your children
32 don't adulter
33 don't murder
34 don't steal from orphans
35 don't cheat
36 don't be ignorant.
37 don't be insolent

That's ten. It's not a bad list. Not great, but for Mo, it's Wow, a moment of clarity! Then it's almost like he's embarassed himself by being civilized, because the rest of chapter 17 is a mass of contradictions and wierdness.
Verse 40 is another slam at Uzza, (that's me! prick!) and 42 is just stupid:

40. Has God chosen to give you sons, and taken for Himself daughters from among the angels? You utter grievous things indeed!
42. Say: "Had there been other gods with Him, as they assert, they would surely have sought a way (of opposition) against the Lord of the Throne."

If they exist at all, y'unnerstand, they'll fight. It looks like Mohammed just had no idea that people could coexist without trying to kill each other--he sure couldn't. Here's more logic and justice;

45. When you recite the Qur'an, We place a hidden veil between you and those who do not believe in the Hereafter;
46. And We put covers over their hearts and deafness in their ears that they should not understand it.

There he goes again. The book that he sent down to tell people how to behave, he purposely prevents them from understanding it so he can send them to hell. What a guy!

Then comes some more whining about how nobody believes Mo, and it says this:

53 Tell My creatures only to speak words that are good. ROFL!

Word, dude! Tell them that!

Verse 55 says “We exalted some of the prophets over the others;” which is odd, because in 2:285 he said “We make no distinction between the apostles,” so that clears that up. Well yeah it does, in a Quranic sorta way. It's Islamic Logic! If you haven't lost hope by this point, here's the clincher:

58. There is not a habitation We shall not destroy before the Day of Resurrection, or not inflict severe punishment upon it. This is in accordance with the law (of God).

Got that? EVERYbody will be punished. Not just the bad people, EVERYBODY. So there's no use being good, god is going to fuck you up no matter what. How's that for motivation? Might as well go smoke some crack, eh? Then he talks about Thamud and Iblis again, NAM, and says some weird shit about prayer. First, tells you to pray five times a day ... I guess ...

78. Observe the service of prayer from the sun's declining from the meridian to the darkening of the night, and the recitation at dawn. Indeed the Recitation at dawn is palpably evident.
79. Say a supererogatory prayer at the hour of the first watch: Your Lord may raise you to a most exalted station.

Did you get five times out of that? I can't, but what the hell. Next he tells you what to say when you pray

80. And pray: "O my Lord, let my entry be with honour, and let my exit be with honour, and grant me power from You which would help (sustain) me."
81. And say: "Truth has come and falsehood nullified."

From what I've heard, that's not what Moslems say when they pray, but I gotta admit I ain't no expert on prayin'. The rest of the sura is just more NAM and WIFL, Moses, Jews get Israel, slams the Christians again. Nothing new in there. But hey, that ten commandments part was not too shabby. I liked it.