Awww

From the Daily Mail, we get this story.

I grew up around these tide flats, and they're no joke.  About twice a year the Coast Gaurd sent their chopper out to pull duck hunters out of the muck.  It really latches on to you, and when the tide is coming in  ....

But click on the picture for the happy ending. 

My bumper sticker

Exposing Children

Ok, so toy stores

"This is the last place a parent would expect to be confronted with questions from their children on topics that are too complicated for them to understand."

Damn straight. There is no excuse for putting disgusting shit like this out where little kids can see it. How are you going to explain this to a three year old? "Mommy, what happened to those men?" 

"Well  Johnny, it's called torture; he needs to suffer as much pain as possible, because he didn't do anything wrong, mmm ... see, you're bad, so  ... uhhh ...  "

Wait.

Oh, sorry. Wrong comic.  This is the one that's outrageous: 

"Unfortunately, children are now being exposed to same-sex marriage in your toy store."

It's too complicated for me to understand.

the $31000 parking ticket

Everybody parks. If we park too long we have to pay. Same for everybody. Fair, right?

Well, if I get a parking ticket, it costs me 2% of my income;
 the same ticket costs Mitt Romney .00009% of his. 

Not to pick on Willard, but this has always bugged me. It's a public street, everyone has the same access to it--HAHA!  Why can't I pay my fine in Romney bucks, .00009% of my income? Keep the whole nickle, what the hell. 

Now that Mr. Dog abuser is in the news ...
Last night I had a good night's sleep, eight hours in fact. I assume he did too. While I slept,

I got paid nothing.
He got $9,152.00 

for sleeping.
Here's an income calculator, so you can figure out how much you earn while you sleep. If you have any investments that is.

Here's an even cooler one that shows what things cost in Mittbucks.  Two grand for a cup of coffee, anyone?

Quotes of the Weak

from Prick Sanatorium:

on Monday,  "I don't believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute."

3/27/2012

on Tuesday, "I'm for separation of church and state."

3/28/2012

Pic from Friendly Atheist

He went on to say "The state has no business telling the church what to do" --and vice versa, he did not say.  He then announced his new campaign slogan

"Less Boning, More Stoning"

Reading this guy's speeches makes me want to throw up.

When God Boned Eve

Besides being strangely hilarious, this makes a lot of sense:

 jealous bone?

Were you ever bothered by that ridiculous story of God yanking a rib out of  Adam to make Eve?  Well, here's an explanation, more or less.  Also, penis bones . 

Pic of the day

No comment needed.

from News of the Restless

It's Zombie Muhammed!

He's Here! and he's a judge in Pennslyvania.

Money quote, from the zombie judge explaining why it was ok to assault this guy in the Halloween parade.

"I'm a Muslim. I find it offensive."

 OOOOh, solid legal ground, that!

Move over Draw Muhammed Day, now it'll be Zombie Mo Parades!  It should be fun, but it would make more sense with Zombie Jesuses (Jesus's? Jesi? Jeses?  ?).  Definitely there should be some. Maybe a Zombie Joe Smith, for the Romney fans.   Good times.

Now, are the radical Christstains going  to support atheists mocking Islam, or Muslims attacking  Atheists?  Gee, theology is hard!   

the 52%

Yeah. What she said.

Sara Robinson thinks along the same lines. 

Rape Rooms

So back when "we" "had to" invade Iraq, one of the Reasons® was the Evil Dictator® du Jour had "Rape Rooms" (GASP!) where innocent virgins were cruelly deflowered.  Well, that's one less imaginary threat to worry about now.

Or is it? The Vaginia legislature seems to miss them, so they've introduced SB484, which

"Requires that ... every pregnant female shall undergo ultrasound imaging "

 What that means, they put you  in one of these

 and then they shove one of these inside you:

"a probe is inserted into the vagina, and then moved around until an ultrasound image is produced.”

>Hey, wait a minnit!  Wouldn't that be

"penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, ... without the consent of the victim,"

 >that the Justice Department just defined as rape?

>>Sure sounds like it.  How about the definition of rape in the state of Virginia:

§ 18.2-61. Rape.
A. If any person has sexual intercourse with a complaining witness, whether or not his or her spouse, or causes a complaining witness, whether or not his or her spouse, to engage in sexual intercourse with any other person and such act is accomplished (i) against the complaining witness’s will, by force, threat or intimidation of or against the complaining witness or another person; or (ii) through the use of the complaining witness’s mental incapacity or physical helplessness; or (iii) with a child under age 13 as the victim, he or she shall be guilty of rape.

>This would hardly be "sexual intercourse", so it's a Federal crime of 'rape', but in Vaginia it'd be

Virginia State Code § 18.2-67.2. Object sexual penetration;

"inanimate object sexual penetration" is a felony punishable by five years to life. It is when one "penetrates the labia majora ...other than for a bona fide medical purpose ... against the will of the complaining witness".

It's a felony, notice, so these lawmakers are conspiring to commit felonies, which is also a felony and requires them all to register as sex offenders.  Daily Kos lays that all out.    Also, LOL!

These Saddam wannabes are pushing government mandated rapes in three states now.  Since that was good enough reason to invade his country and institute 'regime change' there, can't somebody invade this country and throw these assholes out of our government?

This is cool

What would you rather have in your backyard, those big clunky towers or that little black blob up in the sky? Guess which one produces the most power.

 

 

Here's the story, with video.

Patience is a Virgin

Uhh, guys, "No child left behind" was not supposed to mean "dumb it down so all the kids are stupid".

from Dependable Renegade

Small Government

War on Religion

What's this? An Islamic prayer meeting where the women sit in back?  Heredi Jews, the ones that hate everybody?  A white slavers convention?

Nope, it's the GOP hearing where these bible thumping, viagra munching, old white men decide what kind of health care women can have.  These dried up old preacher-men are the only people[sic] allowed to testify, the women themselves are banned. In 2012.

Yer damn right there's a 'War on Religion'. It's in self-defense.

Foot in mouth award

 Rick Santorum froths at the charge that he's sexist for saying women are too emotional for combat.

"I certainly understand that and respect that and admire women for doing so, but I think on the front line of combat is not the best place and it's not maximizing what they can bring to the table."

Freud is calling, on line 2.

**OHFERCHRISTSAKES. Now he's gone and said "women are fully capable of 'flying small planes'"

A Day in a Crate with Mitt

Tone deaf much? There was a certain flap about Rmoney abusing his dog, and now the clueless dick has come out with a new campaign slogan.

No thanks Willy, those crates are uncomfortable, even if you don't give me a good hosing.

“Even if you’re okay with the dog being strapped to the roof of the car, once the dog has been up there for hours and is sick, once he is ailing, you take a hose to him and put him back up there and keep driving with him still strapped to the roof of the car for more hours?!”

---Racheal Maddow

Dogs  Against Romney  
Pic from this incident
Hat tip, Dependable Renegade

 “A man’s soul can be judged by the way he treats his dog.”

---Charles Doran

Saudis appoint 3 year old to government post

 This guy said something halfway sensible about old Murderous Mo the Pedo, and Abdul the Saudi Information minister had this to say.

“When I read his articles, I wept and got very angry" 

 Alb sums it up nicely:

I’ve never met anyone who cries from anger except my friend’s 3 year old

Pwned!

Pic of the day

Sign on the carrier: "Seamus Express"

 Dogs Against Romney. A guy was was on his way to protest at a Mitt Romney event yesterday. He put a stuffed toy dog into a crate and strapped it on the roof of his car. A cop saw it and pulled him over "for suspected animal abuse."

You go, officer!  Kudos all around, for the protestor and the cop both. 

More like this, please

Twice this week our legislators have done something admirable. Mad props to:

Senator Vi Simpson of Indiana, who punked the theocrats with their stupid creationism bill.

You want theories on the creation of life? Scientology, beeyitches!

and Senator Janet Howell of Virginia, 'you touch our junk, we touch yours' . From the comments:

the requirement to have a rectal exam and a cardiac stress test actually is much more defensible then the ultrasound requirement.
Viagra,cialis and the like are for ED, an enlarged prostate can cause ED so it is advisable to rule that out, these drugs are also notorious for raising the stress on the heart so again it is a good idea to check for these problems before prescribing them.
However an ultrasound during the first trimester does nothing but establish the fact that they are pregnant, this was already established otherwise you would not be there for an abortion.

 HA!

Also this week,props to
 

the Federal Court, for nailing the coffin shut on Proposition 8, and

the whole internet, for  kicking Susan G. Komen's ass.

WOOT!  

----------------------------------UPDATE

LOL!  Add another one!  Senator Constance Johnson of Oklahoma. 

"... Every sperm is sacred ... "

Rick Santorum Hired Gay Escorts

Get a bucket handy and listen to this video of frothy yearning for the good old days when women died horribly in back alleys. 

The proper thing to do with a mixture of lube and fecal matter is to wipe it up and flush it, not let it run for president.

*About that headline: this is what I learned from a caller on a talk radio show, so it's exactly as accurate as the lies he's telling on the campaign trail. Ai can haz preziduncy nao?

Teach Both Sides

Men with balls

Apparently yesterday there was a thing called a "super bowl"—something about men playing with their balls.

Most of the talk is over which mega-corporation did the best job of spending millions of dollars to manipulate us into spending money on useless crap.

Kind of like mugging victims voting on which mugger was best at bashing them over the head.

 ?!?

Some pix

This is what I've been trying to say for years ...

Times have changed ...

http://www.upi.com/News_Photos/gallery/The-latest-from-Occupy-Oakland/5846/1

http://www.cultofmac.com/133631/jailed-russian-blogger-tweets-instagram-pic-from-police-van/

Heh, chuckle ...

..and, a baby chinchilla. Because why not?

UPDATE on the Rmoney pic:
ROFL! Why oh why are conservatives so dumb ... ?

Planned Parenthood

The real, God's truth on what Planned Parenthood actually does.

[/snark]

Shoshannah Stern is Pissed Off

Pretty cool video.

"HEY, us men get raped too!"

Yeah; and do you get told you're asking for it when you

wear a low cut shirt?

make eye contact?

are out at night?

are alone?

have a drink?

walk a certain way?

show off your figure?

wear certain kinds of shoes?

open the door for FedEx?

It's like she says:

"Rape is a Hate Crime against Women" 

Almost Diamonds has all the details.

Fail

the Daily Stupid

What country, inquiring minds want to know, are Puerto Rico and Guatamala in?  WTF, you say? Here's a handy map to help, taken from the vast empty spaces between the ears of East Haven's mayor after he was asked

why he selected a man  

“of Puerto Rican descent as opposed to one from the dominant group of Ecuadorians,” 

the clueless bigot blathered 

“I picked a Latino. Did it have to come from a certain section of the country?”

Yes, he really said "it". Not clear if the country he's referring to is the GOOD OLD U! S! A! or that one south of here where they all speak Latin and come up here to do our laundry.

It's all good though. All that "biased policing, unconstitutional searches and seizures, and the use of excessive force"?  No problem, we'll just have us some tacos. That'll make the darkies happy, wherever they come from.