UzzaNotes: April 2011

4/30/11

Cthulhu 2012

In the Worth Repeating file,

H. P. Lovecraft

had something to say

about today's republicans.

From Sabina at News of the Restless

4/29/11

Females Jerking Off

Q: How do Porcupines make love?

A: Very carefully.

Groan all you want, it's a nice segue into fact number five, of

Surprising Facts About Females Jerking Off.

I can add to that, another species that has been observed to do this—Bison, using a guardrail post. And I'll tell you what, with hind legs over the rail and front legs clear over on the other shoulder of the road, that's not a beast you interrupt and shoo out of the way. I turned around and took another road. Got tired of waiting.

"No Taliban ever Touched my Junk"

It was 44 years ago today that world heavyweight champion Muhammad Ali refused to be drafted into the US Army. Some people called him a draft dodger, some called him un-American. He was none of those things. He saw that what his country was doing was wrong, and he stood up for what he knew was right, even though it cost him his title, millions of dollars and the best years of his career.

Muhammed Ali. Great boxer, Great American, Great Man.

Famous Ali quotes

I ain't got no quarrel with the Vietcong. No Vietcong ever called me Nigger.

Why should they ask me to put on a uniform and go ten thousand miles from home and drop bombs and bullets on brown people in Vietnam while so-called Negro people in Louisville are treated like dogs and denied simple human rights?

Do I really need to substitute in Afghanistan and Detroit?

What a Slut Looks Like

There is confusion over what a slut is. Here is one slut, pronounced very carefully and recorded on a spectrograph.

Here's an explanation of the spectrogram.

Hmmm, still kind of geeky. Speech sounds are kind of like strumming a guitar, lots going on all at once. The bottom pic shows the frequencies, the top one is just the volume. The three red lines somebody drew on there are the three lowest 'formants' like the lowest guitar strings--they are the main ways to identify what vowel it is. Good phonologists can read these things almost like writing.

Yeah, yeah, you were hoping to see sexy pictures. OK, here--Rihanna shows us how it's done.

YEOW!

*not implying anything is bad about sluts. or dressing this way. or Rihanna.

4/28/11

Dog Apes Cats

Darn dogs, always trying to hog the spotlight. We just had this great story of cats taking care of a baby. They don't get to bask in the limelight a week before this black lab tries to horn in.

Yes Fido, U iz hero.

Short story: little kid wanders away from the parents, Labrador Retriever ~~retrieves~~ goes after him and keeps him warm till rescuers come.

The story really dumps on the kid's mother, but I wouldn't call it "abominable” that the a two year old was a quarter mile from home. We have one, and he could give an AA Dragster a run for its money. In the time it takes you to snuff out your crack pipe he can be out the door across the yard over the river and through the wood.

Mad props to the dog, though for not being a Libertarian and eating the kid.

He finally released the certificate

Unfortunately, this only seems to raise more questions.

Eliza tells it like it is

Man this ten year old can ~~Rant~~ Write!

Dear Boys from around the World,

There is just one ting I have to say before I go on. STOP BEING SO STEREOTYPICAL! . The reason I have to let this is out of my system I am yet to tell you. So today I was reading a Mini Boden magazine ( some place in Sweden), and the magazine people asked questions to the kids who were modeling. The one question that ticked me off was this question:
"What is the biggest difference between Boys ( That means you Boys) and Girls?"
Here are some answers that were in this "magazine". Kian, age 6, "Girls Like dolls, and Boys don't". Oh okay I know what you're thinking "Oh he's just six!". Well you better listen to this. Stefano, age 7, "Girls wear pink, and Boys wear blue and green." Okay you're probably thinking the same thing. "Oh he is just 7. Well here is another one. Aiden, 6, "Girls like nail polish; Boys like Soccer Balls.' Yeah I know he is six too. But getting closer to the older ones. Asha, age 8, "Boys are rougher and stronger." Yeah he's eight. Not six, or seven. He's eight. He's got a brain. He's smarter than six and seven yr olds. It's kind of old to me, because I am turning 11 this year. Okay so now that I have listed those Boys' opinions, I am going to list the reasons why I think they are stereotypical.

#1 Hey I'm a Girl, and I HATE dolls! I also hate Barbies, pink, my little ponies, and glitter is okay I guess. But I don't love it like boys think all girls do. But that's just my opinion. Well let me give you a quick lesson. Not all Girls like prissy stuff including me...Give it a ponder.

#2 Like I said I HATE pink. I despise it. HACK See I spat on it. That's how much I hate pink. Hey guess what Stefano, age 7, I wear blue, green, orange, and white about everyday like every other kid in America ( and for this kid in Sweden). I like just about every other color in the rainbow. Except for Pink ( the color not the singer). and purple. So Stefano, I think you have learned an important fact that not all Girls like pink.

#3 For one thing though I do like nail polish, but not just Boys like soccer. For example my friend Heidi is a master soccer player. You mess with her, she kicks you in the shins, or maybe just trips you on the field. Seriously I think you should stay away. For reals.

And finally #4 Okay one thing is that I could beat many boys in a wrestling competition that is up to my grade. Like at lunch today, I was an arm wrestling my friend that happens to be a boy. I beat him. Finally I took my hand off , because I knew he had enough. And also Jillian Michaels, or at least I think it is Jillian Michaels, she's really strong. Probably the strongest woman I've ever heard of. So Asha, 8, give it a ponder.

So really the only reason I wrote this editiorial was to address Boys to stop being so stereotypical and for reading that messy magazine. And the only reason I was reading the magazine was because I was bored. And I must have been really bored to be reading a Swedish magazine about clothes that strangely gets sent to my house.

A Random person in Avon Indiana
Eliza Sayers, age 10

From Jezebel. Go there and read the comments.

4/27/11

Irony of the day

Actual quote from Paul Ryan-(R, Northwestern Insurance), at a town hall meeting

Who is Jong Alt?

When Europe was still full of cavepeople, China was all civilized and inventing everything, and one of the things was money. Once there was money they had to invent economics so they could to tell people what to do with their loot. The first economist was a guy named An Ran, and he had a theory.

According to his theory of Ran Fu, a small number of rich superpeople, the Ah Sous, are the "wealth creators." These Ah Sous use their money to “invest”, which creates new products and services, and more wealth. They have a plan, and it look like this:

The wealthy Ah Sous are the only 'Producers', who create value and wealth through their own efforts, but there are also bad peeps, the Taek Ers, who want to live off others’ efforts. In Ran Fu, nobody ever does anything, they just sit around pooping themselves until some rich Ah Sou waves money in front of them. This induces them to labor, and they leap up and start working for that Ah Sou.

All the little people are either 'Lut Ers' who want to take money by force, by making businesses obey regulation and pay taxes, in order to seize wealth and gain power over producers; or they are 'Moo Chas' also known as the “Nee Dee” the blind, crippled, sick, and destitute who beg for help just to avoid starvation, disease and death, which makes them even worse than the Lut Ers because they make you feel guilty for being such an Ah Sou.

The Ah Sous are always persecuted. The economy will grow only if the wealth creators keep all the profits, but they have to depend on workers, who always insist on getting paid, which disappears wealth. Worse yet, the government seeks to destroy wealth by taxation, and their guns are bigger than the company's goons' guns. It's hard out there for an Ah Sou.

An Ran believed in his theory of Ran Fu, so he took his money out in a field and sat it there, expecting his investment to create wealth. But it didn't. Every day he woke up in the morning, checked his ding dong bling. But when he stumbled to the table, he saw the same darn thing. Nothing ever got created, no new wealth for the man.

He didn't know how to use tools or build stuff, and besides he might get dirty, so finally he broke down and invented 'advertising'. He wrote a huge advert millions of words long, on bones and turtle shells, so many that they're still digging them up over there, all telling how he needed 'Jong Alt'. This was the old Chinese way of saying a sucker who will do all the work and not get to share any of the profits. We say 'worker' nowadays, or maybe 'slave', but back then everyone was asking the question

“Who is Jong Alt?

When they found out, by reading the fine print about no pay, sleep under the workbench, garbage scraps for food, cemetery for a health plan, they were all “It ain't me, babe, I ain't no fucking Jong Alt”, and they all went away to a secluded mountain valley were they created their own secret enclave known as "Ga Tsu Gu Che.” There, everyone worked together, helped each other out, built the Shang dynasty and ruled the known world.

An Ran, meanwhile, was out standing in his field, where he starved to death, and no one thought about Ran Fu again until some crazy lady reinvented it in the twentieth century.

4/26/11

Demo-Cats

(Newser) – Police in Argentina recently found a 1-year-old homeless boy being cared for by wild cats, the Daily Telegraph reports. A policewoman on patrol noticed an unusually large cat gathering which, on closer inspection, was surrounding the boy. Doctors believe the eight cats snuggled up to keep the child warm on cold nights that would have otherwise been fatal.

“The boy was lying at the bottom of a gutter,” the officer said. “There were all these cats on top of him licking him because he was really dirty. When I walked over they became really protective and spat at me.” The cats also apparently foraged for the boy's food. Police later found his homeless father, who said cats have always been protective of his son.

These cats, obviously, were not Republicans.

PSA

Here is something everybody oughta have, while they're still up

The Wikileaks Files on Gitmo

Browse around in there when you've got nothing to do, you ~~might~~ will find something ~~interesting~~ incriminating.

4/25/11

Contest

Dr. Jim’s Thinking Shop is having a Creationist LOLcat contest. So I plagiarized this from that

Rate the Creationist LOLs!

Posted on April 22, 2011 at 6:31 am by Dr. Jim

Yes, its time to rate the submissions for the GREAT LOLaCREATIONIST CONTEST!
All the entries are gathered together on a page HERE, along with more details.

And of course, some examples ...

900 Proof Scotch

What are we gonna do with Rape Crisis Scotland? First they come up with the Best Ad Ever, and now this. That's right, they've taken that great ad that was so full of win, mashed it, cooked it, and distilled it into 900 PROOF WIN that they bottled up into an entire website which is RIGHT HERE.

If you don't go to their new website and go clickity click clickety all over it, and go into convulsions from all the sheer awesomeness, then I just don't know what I'm gonna do with you.

http://www.thisisnotaninvitationtorapeme.co.uk/

Don't Say " "

Straight from the headline--

"A Senate education panel in Tennessee has approved a bill to prevent students from learning"

Here's an idea, let's make it against the law to talk about " ".
Then there won't be any more " ".
Pure genius.

Tennessee--working hard to keep stereotypes alive.

Sluts FTW

So the Osgoode Hall Law School in Toronto holds a school safety forum, and the police send a jerk who tells them that if they don't want to get raped they should “Avoid dressing like sluts.”

Fuck that, and two students founded SlutWalk Toronto, held a demonstration and expected a couple hundred people to show up. They got over 3000.

Since that, SlutWalk has gone viral, with Facebook groups organizing satellite SlutWalks all over the place. As of now when I write this and May 7, there'll be SlutWalks in Asheville, Dallas, Hartford, Boston and Rochester. You can add your city if it isn't on the list.

This Huffpo piece tells more,

there's a kickass video here that I can't embed (Boo, Hiss),

Figleaf tells how this affects men

and here is the OFFICIAL WEBSITE.

Support this,