I Defend the Quran

So now, Mohammed has moved to Medina and god has revealed chapter 2. Medina has lots of Jews to sell his cult to, so Mohammed is sucking up big time. But wait, don't muslims hate jews? Don't they call them pigs and apes? Sure they do.

"when you look at the above picture, and imagine the pulse of the crowd, remember it’s not a joke that the Jew is represented by an ape. Consider another lost generation of Muslim children who will forever hate Jews because of terrifying images like this…well, and because of the Quran. By the way, the lovely picture was taken in Obama’s Jakarta. And they hate Jews there because? The Quran."

Where do they get these ideas? Is this in the Koran? Why, shore...

(2:65) And indeed you know those among you who violated the Sabbath, so We said to them: Be (as) apes, despised and hated
Indeed we do know, Sirrah, because we read about this in the fish story of chapter 7, where god won't let people have any food unless they worked on Saturday, which he forbids. Anybody else would waive the red tape in a case like that, but did god cut them any slack? Oh hell no,
(7:166) When they persisted in doing what they had been forbidden, We said to them: "Become (like) apes despised."

At least, that's Ahmed Ali's translations. It doesn't really say (like). He just put it in there so he can say they dint really become apes, they only became like apes. How like? Well, “among the Arabs the ape is a proverbially incontinent animal, they say 'more incontinent than an ape.'” So god didn't really really turn these guys into apes, he just made them crap their pants a lot. Which of course makes the whole story totally believable.
(Y'know, maybe it does. God likes to see people starve, or die of diarrhea. He's very Old Testament that way.)

Pickthall's old school. He doesn't put in stupid editorial comments, he just translates what it says.

(2:65) ... We said unto them: Be ye apes despised and loathed!

No beating around any politically correct bushes for Pickthall's god, no sir, they were literally changed into real live breathing, crapping apes. Later on it says this:

(2:117) ... He is the Creator of the heavens and the earth: when he decrees a thing, He merely says, "Be," and it is done.

So there. When god said “let there be light, there was light”, goddamn it, and when god said “be apes” they were apes. Real apes, none of this candy-assed apes looking-like-people shit.

Now Just Wait A Damn Minute

Trouble is, it wasn't Jews that were en-ape-ified, it was people who fished on the sabbath. Lookit the first part of the sentence:

(2.65) and ye know of those of YOU WHO BROKE THE SABBATH,how We said unto them: Be ye apes, despised and hated!

Those who didn't break the sabbath were fine (except for the starving to death). Doesn't have jack to do with whether you're Jewish or not. The koran says Jews are apes and pigs like the Drivers Manual says to get drunk and speed.

Either these sickos are twisting the koran around to build up their own teeny weeny dicks, or the koran says bad shit about jews in a later chapter—but it doesn't: ch5 is the only other reference to apes, and it's just another reference to Mohammed made-up story (it's not in the bibles) about those revolting dieters who FISHED ON THE SABBATH. Bottom line, koran doesn't say the Jews are apes, were apes, look like apes, have sex with apes, teach sign language to apes, anything.
Read your own damn book, bigots.

And another thing. Where does this say anything about pigs?



PersonalFailure said...

Apes are incontinent? Who knew? And what is with the pig hating? Jesus even got in on the act, putting demons into pigs and running them off the side of a cliff. Hello, gentiles would have happily eaten those pigs, jerkface!

marga said...

Just checking out your wonderful blog from the link at AtheistExile. It's hilarious. Go get'em Uzza!