the Wheat Has Ears!

Chapter 2 talks about ears of corn. I let the koran off the hook back in Chapter 12 when it talked about corn in ancient Egypt. The Pharoah wouldn't have said
12:43“I see ... seven green ears of corn”, he would've said “Man, I dreamed of the weirdest-ass looking plants last night, I gotta lay off the sauce”, because there wasn't any corn in the Old World until after the Mexicans gave it to Columbus in 1492. They spread it all over and started calling it corn, or Indian Corn. Back in the Buybull days, when they said corn they meant any kind of wheat, barley, oats, whatever. So it's all good, I said.

What a dumbass.

Here it is again, for the reading-impaired like me, and for all you eagle-eyed readers who didn't send in acomment saying “Hey stupid, it says “ears”; since when does wheat have ears, you idiot.”

(2:261) The semblance of those who expend their wealth in the way of God is that of a grain of corn from which grow seven ears,each ear containing a hundred grains.

If anyone was reading this blog, and if they were paying attention, they could've pointed this out and made me eat crow and be all apologetic and everything. Too bad, missed your chance.

Mo got this story from the bible in the first place, so I looked there and damn if it doesn't say “ears of corn” too. WTF? I got curious what's the original Greek, but I came to my senses, realized lifetimes only have so many hours, and there's loafing to do—Priorities, Uzza!—so I don't know. Some bibles say “heads of grain” and that's good enough for me, even if King James says “ears of corn”.

Eleven koran translations, all of them say “ears of corn” too, except one. Rashad Khalifa says “spike” instead of “ear”, but he's a false prophet, y'unnerstand, so screw him even if he is the only one who tells the truth. Whatever korans say in Arabic, I'm willing to bet it's not a word for a plant that didn't EXIST ON THAT CONTINENT for another 900 years. Gee, ain't it curious how all those translators fucked it up the exact same way KJV Bible did? Unless ... unless, wait, ... unless they were deliberately trying to make it sound all godly and dignified and authoritative like the KJVB. Gee, y'think?

Maybe the muslims are right. Maybe you do have to read the original Arabic to understand this thing: none of the translators are honest. Mohammed says something about grain, and they change it to talking about corn. He mentions “the furthest mosque” and they change it to “Jerusalem.” How we know what else they changed? Maybe he said “72 sheep” instead of “72 virgins.” And that whole 5-times-a-day thing, maybe he didn't say 'pray', maybe he said “masturbate”.


PersonalFailure said...

Wheat has ears, the hills have eyes- I've been missing out on the best scary movie evah!

uzza said...

Yeah, and I think it's gonna get even scarier.

Uruk said...

One passage out of the Bible that got me was the one about the stars falling to the ground like figs.

As a former Christian, I glazed over it. As I started to doubt, that idea stuck out like a sore thumb.

It's amazing what archeology can determine. I'd like to see any archeological evidence that proves corn is an anachronism. I've read that a lot of anachronisms concerning domesticated animals are found in ancient scriptures.

Uzza said...

Yeah, the entire book of revelations sticks out like a sore thumb, a big ugly one that rises up and jabs me in the eye when I try to read the bible.

re corn; I'm satisfied that it's faulty translating; in both Greek and Arabic the original texts used the old words for grain, and modern people translated it as corn.

Freidenker85 said...

If you could refer me to a passage in the Old Testament, I can check the original Hebrew for ya. I've had theology class for 12 years all through elementary, middle and high school, and I can't say I remember the word "Tiras" (corn) appearing *anywhere* in the OT.

Freidenker85 said...

By the way, "some bibles say" says it all, really.

Uzza said...

F85; It really does. Click on "some bibles" up there, and it'll take you to Matthew 12:1. It gives the Hebrew about halfway down the page.

They seem to use the same word throughout. The Greek word is stachus, which evidently means either corn-ear or grain-head. 'Tiras' is the modern Hebrew word for corn then, and the bible uses something else?