Visions of Heaven

Chapter 76, Man, sounds like Mohammed rattled this one off in a state of post-coital bliss. He just can't work up any passion this time around. It's more ho hum heaven: bling, slaves, laying around on couches eating and drinking—BORRRING—and whatdyaknow, he hardly mentions Hell.

Here's what's shakin' in heaven. You lay on raised thrones,(13) in a shady garden, with bunches of fruit (14); wearing green silk with heavy brocade, and silver bracelets (21), while youths of perpetual freshness serve you (19) wine with ginger (17) or camphor, from a fountain (5), in goblets of crystal, made of silver* (16). Sounds like Carnival cruise lines.
*If they're made of silver, how are they not goblets of silver? I know he's god and all but still, this seems like a stretch.

Meanwhile, on another of the other Heavenly Spheres, His Noodly Goodness and crew will be getting down, this way:

You carouse riotously in a stripper factory, with a merry band of lusty companions dressed in full pirate regalia of your own design, freely imbibing grog from a beer volcano, with abundant pasta to fill yer belly, as you sail the Seven Seas in yer own ship, living the eternal Arrrrgh!!!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

"Man, sounds like Mohammed rattled this one off in a state of post-coital bliss."

There actually is a hadith floating around wherein Mo is quoted as complaining that in the last two or three years of his life he couldn't receive revelations from God unless he was in bed with Aisha. I can't even begin to imagine what a pussy that makes you hear God is like.