Silly Shit, Sura 4

4:22 says don't marry your mothers. Eeeew!
[4:22] Do not marry the women who were previously married to your fathers - existing marriages are exempted and shall not be broken - for it is a gross offense, and an abominable act.
For sure, gross and abominable. He got one thing right, but he had to TELL his people that? What kind of backwoods trailer park did this cult come from? There's more;
[4:23] Prohibited for you (in marriage) are your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, ... (snipped out two lines) ... your nursing mothers, the girls who nursed from the same woman as you, ...

This goes on for 300 more words, but what's the deal with the nursing? Ooooh, we've stumbled over one of the silliest parts in this whole silly book. So silly the muslims try to keep it on the down low, but a couple years ago the head beardo in Egypt issued a fatwa and let the cat out of the bag. That darn modern media!

In the modern workplace, a man and a woman might sometimes find themselves in the same room.

nipple suckling - folsom street fair 2009 (san francisco)
That's right: Suck on her boobs!

You think I make this shit up? I couldn't, really. I may be a pervert, but I'd never come up with the idea that the woman should slip the guy a nipple, which makes him her son, so it won't be a sin for them to be alone together. That brain fart was from Dr. Izzat Attya of the chief center of Sunni Islamic learning. Just in case you wonder why islamic countries never win Nobel prizes. Naturally, in this issue of Adult Suckling, we should all follow the example of the Prophet (ptui). Of course.
4:29 you shall not kill yourselves.
LOL. Lotta suicide bombers are gonna be sorry they overlooked that verse.
[4:82] Why do they not study the Quran carefully? If it were from other than GOD, they would have found in it numerous contradictions.
ROFLMFAO! So then, I guess we can take this as proof that it's not from god, right?

[004:157]  That they said (in boast), "We killed Christ Jesus the son of Mary, the Apostle of God";- but they killed him not, nor crucified him, but so it was made to appear to them, and those who differ therein are full of doubts, with no (certain) know ledge, but only conjecture to follow, for of a surety they killed him not:-

[004:158]  Nay, God raised him up unto Himself; and God is Exalted in Power, Wise

I tried to figure out what they think this means, but gave up for fear of my sanity. They accidentally crucified some other guy, or he got down off the cross, danced a little jig and said “I'm outta here”, or he just pretended to be dead, y'know, to fool them, I don't know. Mohammed's on pretty shaky ground here if you ask me.

4:97-100 Tell you to emigrate if all the sinning and persecuting gets to be too much for you. So much for the Palistinians and their “right of return”. Does anybody ever READ this book?

4:43 Roll in the dirt after you pee? I am NOT making this up. I'm not! This says that if you can't find water, you should “wash” with dirt. (I tried that when I was real little, the washing with dirt thing. Mom didn't like it). It really does. Rub your faces and hands with dirt after you “cometh from offices of nature”, lol. How rubbing your face is going to affect the part of your body that “cometh” I don't see, but shouldn't Allah know about the germ theory of disease?

This is tayammum (dry ablution), and it's really fucking bizarre! It's a stand-in for regular practice where you take a complete bath before every prayer. WTF, you pray five times a day: Are there muslims who really do this? In Anthropology we studied all kinds of weird customs, by cannibals and head hunters, but nothing sillier than this.

All right, my mind's in the gutter, I went looking for that washing thing, and I found this article saying Mohammed has no shadow and his shit don't stink. Really. Here's the money quotes: Mo “did not have a shadow, no Muslim will hesitate in accepting this fact”, and, "his excreta did not leave behind any effect or remains

Ooooo kay.


Anonymous said...

i think you'll find this interesting:


Martyrdom not Sucide(sic)

uzza said...

Wow,it's interesting all right. That's some serious crazy-ass lulz there.