3/26/09

Try to Believe

What else in Sura 34 is interesting? He says weird things about Solomon
12 And We made the wind subject unto Solomon: It blew in the morning for a month, and in the evening for a month. ... ?!!?
14 But when We decreed death for him, naught showed them his death except a little worm of the earth, that ate away his staff; and when it fell down, the jinn came to know plainly that if they had known the unseen, they would not have (kept working for him). ...?!!?

First rule of reading the koran is, don't look nuthin up--- Hey, is too! God says!

6:114 it is He, Who has revealed to you this perfect Book clearly explained ... And those to whom We have given this Book know that it is revealed by your Lord with all the requirements of truth and wisdom, so be not of the disputers.
6:115 Perfect are the words of thy Lord in truthfulness and justice; no man can change His words;

See? You don't need to look in no other book. Ya hafta be way smart and know lotsa stuff, so you can make sense of it. Like they could be talking about the Indian Ocean Monsoons—they blow one way so you can sail to India in a month, and then they blow the other way so you can come back, see?



The worm thing, an old Jewish myth says Solomon was afraid he'd die before they finished his temple, and the jinns would quit working on it. (Hey I said it was a myth, yo) So he died leaning on his staff, and it held him up for a whole year while they finished. They didn't notice their moldy, rotting boss was dead, until some worms chewed up the staff and he fell down. That tipped them off. Lol, jinns are sure dumb.


Solomon had a magic worm, too. (No, not that!) It was the Shamir, and it could change stone just by looking at it. After it was done with Solly's orgy palace I think it swam over to the new world to help the Incas build cool stuff like Macchu Pichu. That doesn't have anything to do with the Koran, I just think it's neat.

Somebody named David is in here, too.

10 And We gave David bounty from Us: ... And We softened for him iron:

Aw, I've seen the dude, man! *** Yeah, man, I played with that cat last year, man! I never heard of him doing that trick, but why not, if he can make the Statue of Liberty disappear? And there's something about Saba, the Queen of Sheba's peeps.

16 But they turned away; so We loosed on them the Flood of Arim,
Just EVERYBODY knows about the Arim Flood, right? You don't? Lawsie Mercy, don't they teach anything in school these days?

See these ruins? That's the Great Dam of Marib, in Yemen, and people tell the story of how it collapsed and a flood wiped out their whole civilization. Trouble is, it didn't just collapse once, it kept falling apart for thousands of years, till finally they just gave up on it. The flood story is an urban legend. Mohammed, you been punked.


Call me a cynic, but I'm finding it hard to believe that god would fall for that.
And speaking of unbelievers, it says

44But We had not given them Books which they could study, nor sent apostles to them

WTF? He didn't give them a book?!!! What about

45:16 Indeed, We gave the Children of Israel the Book,
41:43 Nothing is said to you which had not been said to other apostles before you.


OK, I tried to believe, I really tried. I let him keep me from looking in any other book, and I let him assume I'm as ignorant as a cat turd, but when he expects me to ignore flat out contradictions, I call bullshit. I call serious, AH-64 Apache with Hellfire missiles and 30mm miniguns bullshit. No more Mr gullible guy.


(*** extra nerd points for anybody who gets this reference)

5 comments:

PersonalFailure said...

Cheech and Chong, but how many points do I get?

Wait, I've got it- I get to see Cheech and Chong reading the Koran and rewritten for modern day dudespeak.

HolyDude said...

Every time I read this shit I realize that the Koran has made a mockery of even mockery.

uzza said...

PF: Oh man, you get nineteen points, man. Cause y'know like nineteen, that's like a magic number in the koran, man, and you can take all da points and sprinkle them on the reindeer, and a little on you, a little more on the reindeer ...

Baal's Bum said...

Perhaps thats it
Old mo was fucked up on some really good weed.
Did he ever go to Ajax to see the lady there too.

nitwitnastik said...

Yep that BS for sure. :-) The story of Solomon is crazy BS !