3/14/09

Quran versus Pigs


Mohammed was a cat person, so dogs have been losing out ever since, but he really had a thing about pigs. Here's what he has god say

6:145Say: "I find not in the message received by me by inspiration any (meat) forbidden to be eaten by one who wishes to eat it, unless it be dead meat, or blood poured forth, or the flesh of swine,- for it is an abomination —


I bet he really wanted to say “Hey, y'all, stop donating pig meat to Allah. Give me him something else, because I don't really like ham, and I'm getting sick of eating god's offerings.” He ran that past the PR dept. and they came back with this new revelation dissing pigs instead. He follows Goebbels's advice and repeats it in ch2, ch5, and ch16. His “don't eat dead meat” slogan is for stuff that's already dead—probly his flock was slipping him road kill—and 'blood poured forth', ... well, blood pudding, I mean, yuck.


There's no reason to say pigs are unclean. Horses and cows shit all over the place, but pigs pick out one place to crap in, just like people. They roll in the mud to get rid of mosquitoes and flies, but I've been camping in the Everglades and done the same thing. Yeah, they can have parasites, but that just means you have to cook the meat. Don't eat it raw, duhh. People don't think this through, like old Jules here:

Vincent: Want some bacon?

Jules: No man, I don’t eat pork.

Vincent: Are you Jewish?

Jules: Nah, I ain’t Jewish, I just don’t dig on swine, that’s all.

Vincent: Why not?

Jules: Pigs are filthy animals. I don’t eat filthy animals.

Vincent: Bacon tastes gooood. Pork chops taste gooood.

Jules: Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I’d never know ’cause I wouldn’t eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That’s a filthy animal. I ain’t eat nothin’ that ain’t got enough sense enough to disregard its own faeces.

Vincent: How about a dog? Dogs eats its own feces.

Jules: I don’t eat dog either.

Vincent: Yeah, but do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal?

Jules: I wouldn’t go so far as to call a dog filthy but they’re definitely dirty. But, a dog’s got personality. Personality goes a long way.

Vincent: Ah, so by that rationale, if a pig had a better personality, he would cease to be a filthy animal. Is that true?

Jules: Well we’d have to be talkin’ about one charmin’ motherfuckin’ pig. I mean he’d have to be ten times more charmin’ than that Arnold on Green Acres, you know what I’m sayin’?

Well, her maybe.

3 comments:

sunnyskeptic said...

No, pigs are adorable!!! And delicious. They have to be the perfect animal.

Baal's Bum said...

I was told by a muslim that Pigs are considered unclean because Mo' was being chased by a mob and tried to hide amongst some pigs. Obviously they scattered so were cursed by Mo' or lallah.

oddinnuendo said...

lol I like roast pork, but I really can't stand the smell of bacon! I'm the kind of person who doesn't eat something if I don't like the smell...:(

Like Kangaroo meat...ugh it smells foul! I tried it once at a really nice restaurant and it was delicious, then had it at home and it smelt foul!