1 ≠ 3

So I'm reading along and come to this line:

¹⁷ In blasphemy indeed are those that say that Allah is Christ the son of Mary.

Hmmm, Christians suck, sez he. Got that. He's really worked up about it, he says it again

(72) They are surely infidels who say: "God is the Christ, son of Mary."

So much for People of the Book. Christian = Kaffir. Kaffir = go ahead and kill those mutherfuckers. For once he gives a reason, though. He says jebus never claimed to be divine. The rest of verse 72 = 

But the Christ had only said: "O children of Israel, worship God who is my Lord and your Lord."

I LOL'ed. Hell, everybody knows that JAYSUS IS LARD, that's what christians are all about. If you didn't believe it you'd go to hell and spread cooties throughout the land, not necessarily in that order. Been told that ever since grade one when the penguins ushered me into catholic school. Never really questioned it. That first day I looked up on the wall and said “Holy Shit, these nuns aren't messing around, look what they did to that eight-grader!” I was terrified that whole year, even after I figured out it was Jesus. I was so relieved, I never asked any questions.

Not then anyway. A puberty or so later I realized them nuns lied, oh man they lied, but I always thought that somewhere Jesus had said that he was God. I mean, shit, look what they did to him! They weren't that pissed about him chickenhawking in Gethsemane, I put it down to telling Paunchus Pilot he was king of the Jews, which was dumb on a par with what I said one time a traffic cop pulled me over. Greeting the officer with “What's your fucking problem?” does not help your position, but I still got off better than Jesus did. People were that riled up, he must've claimed to be god.

Check it out. Christians say “Jesus is TOO god. It's in the buybull”, and muslims say “No it fucking is not! The christian explanation is really lame, and fuck me four ways but damn if Mohammed isn't right: Jesus never said it. Christians have to do Olympic quality mental break-dancing to get that out of their book. Here I thought they had a leg to stand on, and it was just a little residual nun-cootie in my brain.

Jesus is FTW in this book though. Lines 5:112-117 have him do a miracle where he conjures us a tableful of food. It sounds more like Jeanie than Domino's, but allah gets all the credit, and just to make that real clear, twice in here jesus denies being divine (110 and 116).

Not only is Jesus a good guy, Mohammed tells us to follow the Bible. Wtf?

(66) And if they had followed the teachings of the Torah and the Gospel, and what has been sent down to them by their Lord, they would surely have enjoyed (blessings) from the heavens above and the earth below their feet.

(68) Say to them: "O people of the Book, you have no ground (for argument) until you follow the Torah and the Gospel and what has been revealed to you by your Lord."

At first I thought godhammed was just insane—these guys will burn in hell but we should follow their holy book?—but it's not a contradiction if the bible never says jesus is divine. And it don't: score rugbutters one, ritual cannibals zero.

It's interesting. Christians believe jesus is god because Emperor Constantine said so, at Nicaea, in AD300. Doesn't carry much weight now, but a guy who crucifies people that disagree with him is hard to argue with. Hell, I didn't argue with those nuns and all they had was a ruler. They told me about the Holy Trinity, but then they taught me math, so I saw behind the curtain. Outside of politics, Constantine was a pagan, and pagans look at things all yinny and yangy, every single one of us has the devil inside, and godiness too. Sometimes there's three divisions, so if you dumb it down there you got your Holy Trinity. If you're a Hindu you take that idea and run with it. ☺ You'll burn in hell tho. Mo says.