Muslim Underpants

Yeah, I'm supposed to be writing about the koran. All I hear all week is that some buffoon tried to set off some bomb, briefly.
What is the Answer?  FEAR!  

What is the Question? Oh, lots!
● Can 3 oz. of PETN blow up an airliner? [hint: no] Have you noticed how BIG those things are? Also, B-17s used to straggle back from Germany with both wings blown off and the crew flapping their arms on the tail section. They make them out of tinkertoys nowadays?

● How was he going to set it off? Everything I can find out, it requires both fire and shock to detonate it. So he was injecting it with ...something, maybe Viagra. Why not use ice cubes?

● What was he doing in the can for 20 minutes just before the attempt? Getting one last wank before the 72 virgins? What's that about?

● Who was the Sharp Dressed Man? The Man in Orange? The Man on the Grassy Knoll? The Fool on the Hill? Also; passports. no-fly lists. body scanners. airport security. common sense.

● What about Jasper, y'know, the guy who jumped Abladimbulb, put out the fire and saved the free world? Does he get a Nobel peace prize? His own reality show? Maybe a chunk of all those bazoomagillion dollars the govt. has spent to accomplish exactly what he did all by his lonesome?

● Why would anybody do this? As to that, Yemeni security forces intercepted the following cell phone conversation.

--Yo, Mohammed!
--Yeah, wassup?
--Remember that stupid fucker from Nigeria that came through here?
--Oh yeah, the dumb fuck who was all “Praise Allah, Jihad FTW?”
--Yeah, man, you'll never guess what the little twirp did.
--Oh fuck, don't tell me he tried to set off that bomb ...
--He did, man! Bought it hook line and sinker. Stuck the fucking thing in his shorts, smuggled it on board some airliner, and tried to set it off with with that syringe thingee we gave him.
--LOL, no way! He actually believed that would work? He fucken tried it?
--Serious. It's on all the news. He's busted in the US someplace. Those pussies are all running around screaming Muslims! Muslims!
--Oh, shit, you know what this means? The Americans are gonna bomb the shit out of us.
--Whaddya mean, 'gonna'? You think those cruise missiles came from Norway?
--Yeah, well. Shit, man, we punked ourselves!
--Yeah. Seemed pretty funny at the time, though didn't it?
--That little prick.
Maybe it didn't go down that way. Maybe, let's say, worst case scenario, the plane crashed and killed 2-300 people. Every day, on US highways, 100 people die. Terrorists would have to bring down an airliner every three days just to keep even with what we do to ourselves. Do we have the TSA probe our anal cavities every time we get behind the wheel? No, outside of airports we still have a 4th Amendment (Remember it? "unreasonable search and seizure"?). Did Daniel Boone and Davy Crockett strip down for full body scans before they set out to Tame the Wild Frontier? Not hardly. They lived in the land of the free, brave,etc.

Worst thing about this is, underpants jokes won't be about Mormons anymore. Back to the koran. It's not as stupid.

1 comment:

Kompani said...

Excellent. Someone with the right attitude for a change. The joke that is American paranoia does get tedious for the rest of the world.