God Hates Cheapskates

63:1 When the Hypocrites come to thee, they say, "We bear witness that thou art indeed the Messenger of Allah."
... OK, got it. They say Mo is a prophet ... Yea, Allah knoweth that thou art indeed His Messenger, ... right, said that.... and Allah beareth witness that the Hypocrites are indeed liars.
... What?

Hypocrites: U R a messenger of allah
.......God-1: U R allah's messenger.
.......God-2: They are liars.
Huh? How exactly are they lying?
63:2 They have made their oaths a screen (for their misdeeds): thus they obstruct (men) from the Path of Allah.
What misdeeds? The only version that kinda makes sense Pickthal's: "They make their faith a pretext so that they may turn (men) from the way of Allah."  Apparently somebody is pretending to believe, in order to deconvert people? That's possible I guess, but it's not the same as being an apostate, which is what the quran says next . 
63:3 That is because they believed, then they rejected Faith: So a seal was set on their hearts bla bla
Which is it? Hypocrites or Apostates? Maybe other verses will clear this up.
We have indeed made the Qur'an easy to understand (54:17) so I guess I just haz the stoopids? “But none knows its interpretation except Allah” (3:7). Oh goody, so it's not me. Only god knows who he's talking about. But whoever they are, one thing's for sure god doesn't like them.
63:4 They are the enemies; ...
Hates them! ...
The curse of Allah be on them!
Really hates the!
63:6 ... Allah will not forgive them.
C'mon, Mohammed, what have you got against these guys, really?
63:7 They are the ones who say, "Spend nothing on those who are with Allah's Messenger,
Aha, now it all starts to make sense. Apostates, hypocrites, meh. His real beef is that they aren't forking over the Benjamins. There's another four verses and they're all about “let not your riches divert you” (9) and “spend something in charity” (11). So basically this whole Sura is a hustle, passing that old collection plate.

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